We are 6 months post D-day, just finished EMS Online, and found it to be incredibly helpful in our recovery. I am grateful for the program and the hope it has given us. The program material did a nice job addressing relationship issues but know that is only part of the recovery. The other part of recovery is the individual, personal growth, on both parties. My husband is not making effort for his personal growth or trying to figure out his "why". I understand that I cannot make him motivated to understand his shortcomings and the impact that his childhood has to do with how he deals with marriage. I would like to know of specific books, websites, apps and what kind of specialized individual therapy we should look for his assistance in digging deep enough to find his why and for my recovery as well. Otherwise, I feel he is not safe in the relationship. Is this common to still not know his why?