Q&A Is This a Reasonable Expectation to Ensure Our Son's Safety?

My husband and I are in EMSO and I am in HH. Until recently I had been focussed on saving the marriage and full of rage. My husband, a SA, is ambivalent. Things have gone from Bad to worse;  we are not living together and barely speak. He is still in a place of lacking empathy and thinks I don’t deserve empathy. He is not trying to understand the impact he has had. I have PTSD and see a psychiatrist weekly. Our 4 year old son is showing signs of PTSD. He is hyper vigilant, afraid I am going to leave when he makes a mistake. His dad informed him that daddy does not love mommy - and since then he continually asks me why. He tells me he is scared daddy will stop loving him. I am now seeking counseling for him. Other than my husband’s SA and EMSO work, his life is a complete mystery to me. He lives 3 hours away and refuses to do things I need to feel safe unless he feels they are reasonable. Now that my eyes are open to the impact on our son I have asked that he establish a relationship with a counselor before taking our son for visits. He continues to feel my requests for safety are roadblocks and I am scared I am being unreasonable. From a healing standpoint and an emotional safety standpoint is my expectation that he shows me he is safe before taking our son reasonable?