Are there any questions I might ask which might not result in comparison intrusive thoughts but which might give me some peace of mind when my husband and I have physical contact?
I'm simultaneously afraid to know and afraid to NOT know physical parts of the affair. I personally know my husband's affair partner; I was kind and generous to her before discovery. Therefore picturing their physical acts pops into my mind without having to use a ton of imagination. Since our marriage is one of over 30 years, I know what he likes sexually. In addition, I know what she looks like when she laughs, when she's shy, when she's wearing shorts, when she's dressed up for a special event, and when she throws her long hair back over her shoulder. These thoughts are so very painful. It would be ideal, of course, for this line of thinking to dissolve, as much as possible. On the other hand, I'm haunted that my husband and I may duplicate their acts which will cause him to think of his former work assistant/affair partner whilst he and I are attempting to connect on a physically intimate way. Simultaneously, it feels natural to feel his body then suddenly repugnant when I wonder if this is how they also connected. My questions about the physical acts are becoming increasingly problematic to my abilities to enjoy physicality of anything other than hand holding, not to mention, enjoyable sexual intercourse. .. Thank You in advance for any constructive input.