10 months after discovery, I realize that my husband will never be able to give me what I need to recover, from his end, as he has incurred neurological damage due to drug use. He used heavy doses of brain-altering drugs for the entirety of his affairs. I feel like I am stuck in grief and healing as he struggles to understand the lessons in EMSO, and he still blame shifts, even though he doesn't think he is. He cannot understand how the cheating stemmed from something inside of him, my guess being the sexual abuse from his childhood. He is defensive, prideful, his ego is evident in our interactions, and he triggers horribly when I trigger. This is a significant personality change from the man he was up until the drug use. I'm in deep grieving because the man I married doesn't exist anymore. I suspect he has cognitive and emotional brain damage. I feel like this type of grieving is never ending and there is little to no support available, making it feel exponential. His affair was extremely twisted and I just can't seem to overcome the feeling of despair. He has no recollection of the events or the women that he created elaborate stories and alternative lives with. I am lost and in such deep grieving that life seems hopeless. Where do I turn for help for his cognitive issues surrounding the AR lessons and also getting me through this grief?