Q&A Where do I go from Here? I'm Hesitant to Attend EMS Weekend.

I have recently found out that my husband of 21 years has been cheating since we were dating. There have been so many affairs that he cannot even remember how many, much less their names, dates, and places. We are about six weeks from the first D day with 3 more since. I am completely devastated and overwhelmed with grief. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the life I felt was so great is now littered with his infidelities making it all feel like a lie. He says he is sorry. We are going to couples and individual counseling, and he has signed us up for EMS Weekend in hopes of saving our marriage. I am hesitant to attend. I am so humiliated. I also don’t think I can move forward without knowing everything. On top of all of that I wonder if he really doesn’t remember or is just afraid that I will leave if he shares any more. How can I move towards healing without knowing all of his infidelities and not trusting that he truly doesn’t remember?