I discovered my husband’s affair with his coworker 3 months after a vacation my husband and I took. During our vacation something was off for me and I struggled connecting with him and his efforts to connect with me were different. I wasn’t aware of his affair at the time and honestly that thought NEVER crossed my mind. When I discovered his affair 3 months later he stated it started 3 weeks before our vacation. He said he hoped on vacation our connection would have snapped him out of it but because we didn’t connect he felt justified in his choice to continue with his affair partner. I said it was never my job to save him from his poor choice and it’s wrong to blame me for not rescuing him. He tells me he was full in to getting us back on track during our vacation but I say there’s no way he could have connected with me as his wife when he was giving part of himself to someone else. I feel now I’m responsible for not doing what I should have not knowing I was the in charge to save him from himself. If he was all in he would have kicked his affair partner out. Is this blame shifting? Justifying? Was it up to me to save our marriage when I didn’t know it needed saving?