32 years we have been together and 2 affairs both emotionally entangled. My husband rejects love. He is closed to receiving love and struggles with giving love. He remembers making a conscious choice when he was still a child to turn off his emotions and stay distant from others. He tells me he has never trusted anyone & has been telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, rather than being authentic and honest. For 10 years I accepted this. I didn't doubt his love, rather understood that he had problems expressing this & valued the intimacy & expressions of love greatly when he did give them. This made sense.

In his affairs he becomes someone I do not recognise. A passionate, romantic, emotional, open man, verbally declaring love many times every day, sharing thoughts and feelings, and making decisions based solely on his emotions. - all the things he had told me he could never be. I have struggled immensely with this difference – It feels like for some reason he could never actually "let himself" love me, but rather held me at arm's length the whole time, protecting himself. You talk in EMSO about the way they can be different & take on a new persona. Can you please explain to me why this is? I am struggling to understand why he can be this person in his affairs but not with me.