My husband and I will have been married 4 years in May of this year. His affair was 18 months and we are 3 months past the first DDAY. Last DDAY was January. I'm constantly afraid that I'm missing something and although I couldn't possibly gain any more information, want to find a way to access text messages of their conversations or gather any other information that might be available. He says it was just physical and he liked the attention but from what info I have learned it seems that he at least confused infatuation with love. I can't stop looking for information and asking the same questions repeatedly. During the affair he told her terrible things about me that weren't even true. He shared personal conversations and arguments with her. Part of me wants him to contact her and clear my name. Admit that the things he said weren't true, is that wrong? I love him. But I'm devastated and feel that there is nothing special left in the marriage. He gave her everything, body, mind and spirit. What reason can there possibly be to stay in a marriage where nothing is left sacred? How can I ever feel special again when he voluntarily brought another woman into the marriage? Do people ever get to a point in the marriage where they can feel special to their spouse? Will the emptiness left from the betrayal ever go away?