Why do you think infidelity is such a trauma for people? I was never a jealous person in relationships prior to my marriage. I'd had a few girlfriends who were not monogamous and it was not a big deal to me. When my wife and I were first dating but had not yet committed to each other, she was still with another boyfriend for an overlapping period of time, and that also did not bother me at all. And in our marriage, I was never bothered if she was attracted to other men; I even enjoyed our honesty with each other about topics like that. But: we are now 20 months after she had an affair, and I am still very affected by it. It is on my mind so much of the time, and I spiral easily into uncomfortable images and still have difficulty sleeping. She did continue with dishonesty that went way past D-day, and I understand that this often sets back recovery, but in general she has been 'safe' and empathic and has taken responsibility for what she did. I am not sure why I still care so much about what she did with someone else almost 2 years ago now.