This week we hear from Marie, a wayward spouse who shares her personal experience of infidelity before, during, and after her affairs. I hope her story brings hope, courage, and understanding to those of you on both sides of this difficult circumstance.

A Personal Story from an Affair Recovery Survivor:

My husband, John, and I were an old married couple before we ever exchanged vows. We lived together, had a dog, and sat around in sweats doing nothing. We loved each other, I'm certain, but it seemed as though we forgot we needed to show it.

About a year into our marriage, I started feeling restless. My daily routine consisted of studying, working, caring for our home, shopping, cooking, and cleaning. I received little to no help from John. Most days when he got home, he would immediately get on the internet or turn on the TV. We didn't spend much time talking with each other.

The routine we settled into led me to believe John did not care about me or our marriage. It sounds like I'm blaming him, but I wasn't any better. I had so much emotion bottled up that I had a hard time rationally discussing anything. John got tired of my rants and thought that because I "exaggerated most things," I was exaggerating about the problems in our marriage.

Although we had marital issues, nothing justified the course of action I was about to take.

I met a man while attending a wedding. As I look back, I can see he was a real sleaze. But at that time, this man paid attention to a woman who was craving to be noticed. We spoke by phone a few times here and there, but it was when John went out of town that I ended up staying with this man. I had an affair. Something I had always, ALWAYS said I would never, EVER do. But like me, I'm pretty sure most of those who have betrayed their spouses didn't start out by vowing to do so on their wedding day.

I didn't care for the physical aspect of the affair, nor did I have any real feelings for this man. The thing that drew me was the affirmation that I was desirable and beautiful. And boy, did my affair partner (AP) lay it on thick!

I desperately wanted to feel like someone was choosing and pursuing me.

John was suspicious the night the affair began because he tried to contact me many times. When he asked why I was not home and did not answer his calls, I made up a ridiculous lie. I didn't want him to find out. I didn't want to hurt him. But that did not stop me from continuing to email, call, and meet my AP.

Not too long after the affair began, I couldn't take it anymore. I did the hardest thing I have ever done and told John the truth.

He reacted with emotions I had never seen from him.

I will never forget the moment John, with eyes full of tears, threw his wedding ring at me. I had never felt so low. I imagine he would have said the same. I left the house that day and went to stay with a friend. Over the next week, I drank, cheated with my original AP and another man, and wasted away until I realized how much I missed John and wanted him back. Amazingly, he still wanted me. After agreeing to seek counseling, I came back home.

We saw a counselor about five times and that counseling experience left much to be desired. While the counselor mentioned enough cliché psychological phrases to bore me to tears, he never once mentioned God. But hey, at least my husband and I were talking, living together, and trying. Unfortunately, this did not last.

We agreed our counselor was a quack and thought we were doing well on our own. We carried on with business as usual. I mean, at first, we put forth some effort to be more loving, sexual, etc., but soon we were back to the same old routine. Upon reflection, I don't think I ever fully came back and, therefore, did not wholly try.

Cue the lowest point in my entire life.

At another friend's wedding, I had an encounter with a different man. I didn't love him. In fact, I barely knew him. But again, he was someone that made me feel accepted. He was like a trophy, because he led an exciting lifestyle and yet chose to be with me.

What a joke.

John found out about this affair through an email I sent the AP about getting together to meet. This discovery caused me to have an emotional breakdown. I mean literally - I was an incoherent lunatic. Having had enough, John stepped past me and calmly walked out the door.

I spent the next three nights at my parents' house bawling my eyes out, screaming in agony, and sleeping no more than a couple of hours. I took several days off work. I could not think. I could not function. I realized the cold, hard truth when John refused to talk to me. My husband was gone.

I lost him.

I'm not sure what losing a child or a parent feels like, but I imagine this type of loss is similar to how I felt about losing my marriage. The worst part of it was that I did it to myself! The only thing I could do was pray, pray, and pray. I felt unworthy, but praying was something I could do.

I told John I was going to go to a counselor who actually knew what he was doing. While at my parents' house, I found four or five counseling places and contacted each one. I told myself that the first one to respond would be the one I'm supposed to go with. Within the hour, I had an answer to my prayer.

A woman from Affair Recovery called me back. She told me they had an opening for my husband in Harboring Hope (for the betrayed) and me in Hope for Healing (for the wayward). There's a reason these two courses have one word in common - they both offer so much hope. My group leader reassured me that I was going to get help, that I was loved, and that I would get through this. The women in my Hope for Healing class had been in my shoes, made horrible choices, and saw their husbands deteriorate under the pain we had each individually caused them.

Not long after starting the course, John agreed to meet at a local restaurant. As soon as I saw him, I knew I had it in me to throw my heart and soul into our marriage and turn everything over to God. Three days later, John moved back home.

From that point on, things were so different. Don't get me wrong; it was still incredibly challenging. John's wounds ran DEEP, I was dealing with guilt in massive proportions, and each day felt like another dagger to the heart as a little more of our pain was revealed.

But you know what? Each time we addressed more of the pain, we healed a little more too.

Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope and Hope for Healing courses led us towards truth and hope. Our group leaders helped us understand that love is both the question and the answer. Love can solve any problem, including fixing something that is so painfully broken.

John and I continued with our groups, learning more and more about this kind of love. We found a new church, we found new friends, and we found a new hope. We spent more time learning about each other, talking to each other, and growing in respect for one another. I realized my husband is a gift and I am truly blessed to have him in my life. Having him there to listen to me and love me is more than I deserve!

We are almost a year out from our start with Affair Recovery. As painful as it was to relive everything, we have come to realize that we are not bound to our mistakes. We all have faults, but we are not slaves to those faults. Our renewed affection for one another stems from a new understanding of what it actually means to love. There are still times when the guilt and pain arise, and I lose sight of this truth. But I know that with God, with prayer, and with the love John and I share, we are going to be okay.

Days are going to be hard. You will feel frustrated and confused. There will be times the wayward partner will think the guilt is inescapable. But hear me: you can and you will do this. John and I experienced the lowest of lows, but one year later, our marriage has been beautifully restored. In fact, our marriage just keeps getting better. We are proof that restoration is possible.

This past year has been all about learning how to fall in love with my husband again Learning how to better communicate with John has not been easy. This has been the BEST year of our marriage yet. We're not perfect, but being able to love each other in a way we hadn't before really means a lot to us.

I would never want to go through that pain again, yet I wouldn't trade the marriage we have now for anything!

If you're the wayward spouse and you'd like to understand how your actions have impacted your mate, then please consider taking Hope for Healing or, if your mate is willing, take EMS Online. Both courses will provide insight into how the choices of the wayward spouse have affected the betrayed spouse and the relationship as a whole. If you've been betrayed, I hope you'll consider taking Harboring Hope. There is no better resource for helping you wrap your mind around what has happened as you learn how to move forward in healing.