November 2021
On a road trip across Texas over Thanksgiving I was listening to the song Come Alive (Dry Bones) by Lauren Daigle, which reminded me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Some of you may know the story of Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones...
For me, road trips are notorious for bringing up old thoughts, on the long stretch of quiet highway miles. Some good thoughts - worth dwelling on - that give me time of praise with God; some not so good - where God will bring things to light that need to be given up and surrendered, and thus healed.
As the song on my playlist played over my speakers, I relived a time when this story spoke volumes to me - a time that was one of loneliest times in my life, and one of grave desperation. A time when I desperately needed some hope.
Five years ago.
Before I retell the Bible story, as it was spoken to my heart, I want to...
Here's a quick link to the audio version of the song: "When You Are Triggered"
For today's episode, we will sing a song we wrote to help with triggers. Because triggers can be so volatile; we understand it may or may not work for everyone in every situation. But even if not, the message of the song is still so very potent because it includes lessons we learn from the EMS curriculum.
Following the earthquake of infidelity and trauma, there are always triggers. They show up without warning, armed with painful reminders of life's most challenging hardships, and can sometimes have us acting outside of our best selves. Well, today we present a song to soothe the savage beast wreaking havoc in your mind. As David played music for King Saul, the evil spirit departed. That's our prayer for this song. We want to...
Transforming our betrayal and relationship trauma is no easy task. It can feel impossible to keep our heads above water at times, not to mention the fact that life happening around you never stops to make your healing easier. Quite frankly, we don't always feel like doing the hard work of recovery, and we'd rather just shut down and hide from everyone and everything. Today, Samuel shares four game-changing solutions to provide a framework to healing our own betrayal and relationship trauma. In a world where cynicism and sarcasm seem to be the go-to coping skills for those who are hurting, today you will hear four refreshing and life-changing strategies on how to not only heal, but get your life back, after betrayal trauma.
Continue Your Healing With EMS Online! Registration Opens Soon.
Our...
Beloved reader,
I wanted to continue my story and provide an update on our lives since the last blog entry, which was written about 3.5 years after D-day.
It's now been another 6 months (so 4 years after D-day) and so many thoughts of praise are coming to my mind I'm not sure where to begin. Though there is so much suffering around right now with the pandemic, I can't help but be thankful for God's provision during this time. Quarantine time (Spring 2020) - was well, chaotic and loud and crazy, and proved very hard to work; however, it was a blessing to have the kids home for such an extended time, as well as my husband being more available (with new restrictions in his job) and being able to spend more time with all of us. Certainly, God has been working for a long time, but it became humanly obvious to us that our hearts were opening and softening towards one another around the...
When a couple feels stuck, both parties are exhausted, frustrated, and often wondering if there is any hope that things will ever get better. It's as if even mere communication about everyday life can be triggering, and any conversation ends up with a fight about tone, intent, and who hurt who more. The good news is, while this type of paralysis is normal, couples and individuals don't have to remain stuck. There are proven tools that can help one or both spouses care for themselves and their partner, while also creating new momentum for the future of their relationship. Today you'll hear about five tools that can be used by either partner to bring clarity, compassion, and understanding into everyday communication.
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Designed specifically for...
God knows that the mended heart will be much more stunning and substantially stronger than the unscathed soul.
Sharon Jaynes, author
I have never put much stock in New Year’s resolutions, and have even rolled my eyes at people claiming “words” for the upcoming year. It seemed artificial to me. However, now that I find myself in a reality that I really want to change, it seems perhaps assigning a word may provide a targeted reminder of where I want to be. So, since I have already done a lot of work on myself and in our marriage, my word for this New Year is RECLAIM.
I intend to reclaim not just places and scenarios associated with my husband’s affair, but also friendships, activities, and doing things for myself - and being able to actually feel like I deserve to do them...
Our message in this episode is really best stated in Lamentations 3:22-24. It says:
"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!'"
We simply want to sing over you today and continue to infuse hope in you through the song Great is Thy Faithfulness.
In a world plagued by unfaithfulness, to extract an ounce of hope in God's faithfulness is nothing short of a miracle. Where mercy, forgiveness, compassion and empathy are lacking, God gives us a daily dose of His unfailing mercy that helps us go on another day, until we need filling again. Let this song...
How we repattern our lives after infidelity can make or break the relationship, in both the short and the long term. Without a plan to develop new habits, new patterns and new routines, the relationship can feel stuck, overwhelmed with drudgery, and filled with disappointment. The goal after an affair or addiction is never getting back to what the couple had, but discovering something new - new energy and new patterns that the relationship is going to need to survive and yes, even flourish, moving forward. It’s never easy and it’s never a quick fix, but repatterning our own lives and the relationship will provide much-needed space for both parties to heal, while finding new momentum and new understanding for each other’s journey in recovery. While not every marriage survives the pain of infidelity, we must be willing to repattern our own lives...
Recently, I started to view my infidelity through the lens of entitlement. Coming to the WHY of my affair has taken a lot of reflection that seemed right at the time, as I uncovered layer after layer of my numerous character flaws. Nothing ever sat well with me as to truly why I did what I did, though until one morning a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I cheated on my husband not because I was broken, but because I felt I had the right to. I felt entitled to it.
When I told my therapist about my revelation, she was hesitant to accept it. And I get why. In my day-to-day life, I do not interact with the world through a sense of entitlement. I don't expect to be treated differently from others because I think I am somehow special or better. I don't try to get away with not following the rules of acceptable social interactions. I am a law-abiding citizen. So, why did I do the exact opposite of these...
Caring for ourselves after we've either betrayed our spouse, or been betrayed, is essential. However, due to the sheer panic and trauma of it all, we often will put ourselves last and look after the well-being of our partner, IF they will allow us to. While it may seem counterintuitive, for long-term healing, both individually and in our relationship, caring for ourselves must be a top priority. It's normal to think our lives will never be the same again after trauma of this magnitude. While our lives may not look the same again, we can heal and we can find new life that still brings joy, fulfillment, and peace of mind. However, without prioritizing our own healing and learning how to care for ourselves, we typically remain stuck, wondering why we can't seem to find our way through the agony of it all. Today, Samuel shares practical and...
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