Q&A Should I Tell the AP's Spouse?

It has been just over 1 year since DDay. My husband had a 4 year affair that I uncovered. He took immediate responsibility, ended things with his AP, told me he was relieved it was over, and has been trying to become the man he has always wanted to be. When he called his AP to tell her I now know about them, she was very worried that I may tell her husband. I have spoken to her once, and texted with her once but there has been no other communication. My question is this. Is it right that 3 out of 4 people know about what happened? On the one hand, their marriage should not be my concern (but I admit I spend a great deal of time thinking about them). On the other hand, are we still living a lie? And am I now part of that lie? Would it be worthwhile to phone her husband and advise him of what happened so all parties can end this lie and be accountable? This has troubled me the entire year because I feel that accountability is such an important part of healing. However, I understand that my husband has been very accountable to me so perhaps that should be my concern. He is totally against me telling her husband but I think it's obvious why that would be a concern to him. I have weighed this decision carefully but it seems that I'm never quite at peace with how it was handled. Yes, there is a part of me that doesn't think it's fair that she gets to live her life without all of this pain and I realize that is NOT a good reason to tell her husband. The flip side of me wants to protect their children from the heartache we've experienced. Can you provide me with some guidance so I can put this issue to rest?