The longer I am from our d day the more I am beginning to believe my husband is having a major midlife crisis. Classic case....Reminiscing about the past and how great it was (this was of course before the affair), to starting new hobbies, very interested in his looks to the point of somewhat vain, losing weight, then of course to having the affair, and now a HUGE sense of depression and failure about his job and how life should be better at this time in his life (he is 45). Oh and not to mention major financial issues now. He is so very self absorbed and it is about more than I can handle at times. I get up every day fighting for the life of our marriage and he gets up everyday consumed by his "garbage" as he calls it. I don't want anyone else, will live the rest of my life loving him but HOW do deal with his almost total avoidance. This has consumed him to the point where it is effecting any sexual intimacy at times. My fragile sense of being a woman from his affair finds this so devastating. Am I in a bad place when I start thinking "I don't know that I can do this forever"? Is it okay for me to feel this way? I am trying not to be angry or bitter but I am reaping everything he is sowing and it is so painful over and over. How long does it take for a man to go through this midlife crisis? Does it stop with a better paying job (he believes that is the answer) or does it go deeper? How does a wife cope when hope looks dim? I am finding myself withdrawing from people because I know I am so vulnerable emotionally and want so desperately to have that connection. I don't want to make any decision that would hurt him or our marriage.