How can I love my husband who is into sick and perverse role playing online, sexting, cybersex, skype sex, etc.? How can I respect him and even think that we can ever again be intimate?

I am going to do my best to make this as short as I can . been together 9 years. Found out about the first affair two months in...since that time I have had at least 6 more D-days with physical affairs and I would say at least 50 cases of what u call infidelity. My husband was a drug addict and alcoholic and also physically abusive and I was the fool who stayed with him after every single time I found out about yet another affair. Each time I would say ..if u do it again I am gone....then he would ..and I would stay .Councillor after Councillor told me I was ill and needed to leave him and not to subject myself to the mental abuse. 4 years ago we found God and our lives changed. Over the next two years God took the drugs and the alcohol and I saw a man I never knew. The man I dreamed of . I thought I was done being hurt and we were married sept 2011 only to discover three weeks later that he had been living a lie and having yet another affair. He then confessed of a porn addiction. Once again I took him back.I actually felt like this time I was right cuz we had God now and we could heal. Well since then I haven't found out about any more physical affairs but definitely have been betrayed and lied to many times the worst being this past June. I feel like the councilors are right and I must be sick to put up with this for 9 years but now chance number 300 and we r trying this course.you talked in the DVD this week about PTSD well maybe I have that cuz I have triggers all the time and feel like this is getting worse not better. My realationship with God has grown huge but during this time my realationship with my husband is getting worse. The more I feel God loves me the more I feel like I dont need to allow myself to hurt like this anymore because the love I keep waiting for my husband to give me is something Jesus can. I feel myself becoming more distant and protectful of my heart. I truely dont believe he loves me because of all he has done . everything he does irritates me and the selfless love I used to have for him I dont feel anymore. Every time a thought comes to my mind to do something loving for him or to him I automatically fight it. I think my mind just automatically wants to protect me from any more hurt. I fear I have reached the point that after hundreds of hurts, lies and betrayals and hundreds is not and understatement...my brain just wants to protect. Is that possible. Second the homework this week made no sense to me . the part that says I feel .....but I know the truth. Well when I have a reminder I feel hurt...and that is the truth. What I feel and what I believe are the same .when I have a reminder I tell my husband and he reacts in anger almost every time or he defends his actions and makes excuses. Reminders dont make me feel anything except that I wish my husband loved me . so when the book says take a reminder ... (seeing his ap ) and pick a harmful temptation or desire that arise from the reminder then use the life model....there is no harmful desire or temptation, the only desire I have from any of the reminders on my list is that I wish and want my husband to love me. I can't put any of those in the life model? I dont get it ? Reminders make me go to my husband, tell him how the reminder made me feel and each time I still think maybe just this once he will empathize ..but he never does . how does this fit in the life cycle ??

You had a question last week pertaining to accountability. It discussed inner circle behavoirs and when they should be disclosed to a spouse not just an accountability partner. my question is what is normal sexual tempation for a man and when do you know an accountabiity partner is necessary? Seems like almost every man would need an accountalbility partner in the world we live in now.
Second question is what is appropriate conduct with oppostie sex co-workers. I notice in both mine and my husband's work place many people cross boundries with eachother that is inappropriate and could lay the ground for infidelity. How over extended period of years do you contintue to keep these people shut out and at arm's length. Thanks again!