I was just wondering if its possible to understand why women tend to need to know every single detail about an affair. And why will they need to continually bring it up and talk about it until they feel satisfied. I would just like help on understanding and not letting myself get frustrated when things keep coming up months or years down the road that I thought had been resolved. I want to be an open book with her but from reading of other's experiences this seems like a source of conflict between spouses that lasts for a long time.

Can you help me to get passed the emotional intimacy my husband had with his AP? This has been my biggest hurdle. How he was able to be so emotionally intimate with her in a matter of 3 months when I have CRAVED and BEGGED for it from him for years just makes the hurt deeper. And even though it has been a year, he still has a hard time verbalizing his feelings. I look forward to our EMSO night because he seems to open up with the group but once class is over he puts that man away. When I try to share my heart with him he listens but still says nothing. The verbal communication has been my greatest need for years and he has admitted that he now sees it is a need not just a want, but yet he is still quiet. He has also said that he feels safe in the class, and his AP made him feel alive and validated (and I understand the vanity mirror concept) and I know all the "dirty secrets" and live in this real world with him, but how do I NOT take it personal. If I'm taking steps to forgive him and work on intimacy in our relationship, why is it so hard for him. This whole thing, from day one, sucks! If his affair is about him and not me, then why does it feel like I am the one who pays the biggest price, over and over and over. I don't want anyone else but the thought that he may always continue to avoid intimacy makes me frustrated and defeated. Please tell me there is hope. :/

In my harboring hope book it says "even if you are unable to trust your mate, trust God with your mate". I have also heard you say that your wife says she does not trust you but she does trust God with you. I was wondering where the balance comes in with that. If I don't trust my husband does that mean that I am constantly checking his phone records and his email and being suspicious of him? Or, do I trust God and believe that God will convict him and keep him on the right path and not check up on my husband at all. It has only been two months since discovery for me, so I am struggling with how to handle trust every day. We are seperated and live in different states. My husband seems to be taking the proper steps to get help and he tells me that he is changing and that he doesn't desire to do his old behaviors, but how do I know if he is telling the truth and should I just take him at his word when he has lied to me so much in the past?