My husband and I have completed the online course. We are doing better and better, but before he was a passive aggressive kind of guy. I am finding that as we are moving forward on this journey together, his anger si coming out a LOT more. I feel very defeated because I am trying to let him get it out and process to heal but it is incredibly hard and painful. I feel like no amount of my efforts to compromise count. I keep going over the Anger week.. maybe I am missing something.

Just read your recent post on forgiveness. Needed it. Though I have forgiven him for the affair as a whole, I still struggle with anger and hurt over specific incidents within the affair (for example expensive gifts purchased, suddenly abandoning me on specific holidays to be with her, etcetera). Is it wrong to desire apologies and to want your spouse to seek forgiveness for these specific hurts? I know extending forgiveness is not dependent on HIM seeking it but I am haunted by specific incidents. I wonder if he really understands how deeply I was (and am) hurt. I fear that if he doesn't fully get my deep pain and if I don't see him truly remorseful then he is more likely to repeat the offenses. I also feel like him acknowledging that he hurt me and asking for an apology for these specific incidents will give me some closure and will help me heal. Do I bring these specific hurts up or let them go?? Thank you for your insight.