What is the difference between grooming and flirting ?

Rick,

I have a concern. My husband and I attended your EMS weekend last year. He seemed broken and repentent. He had left me 7 mos prior and filed for divorce. God had worked in his heart and brought him home. While apart he had been living with his AP. Our counselor suggested I wait at least 3 mos. before letting him return. EMS was a part of that time.

I had thought that we were both committed to working on things in our marriage. Part of that was our sex life. For the majority of our marriage we struggled with this. I had never learned to orgasm and he felt I was always asking him to "Do something" to help me be in the mood or enjoy it more. Sex was often very brief .

I know he was very active sexually with his AP. I found out later that even the night before he returned home, he slept with her.

He has been home now a year and we haven't had sex in 10 mos! I am hurt and insecure. I thought we could work on things together. He seems to be content now the way things are. I have no reason to believe he has been unfaithful since returning home.This was the only affair I know of in 30 years. He also has experienced ED. Even before the affair.

I have tried to explain my need for intimacy. Whether I orgasm or not, I miss the closeness we once enjoyed. He will respond, " I need to work on that", but then he doesn't act on this.

I am trying to work on our relationship in other areas. Friendship, finances, etc.We spend time together and have fun. Our kids are grown and we are pretty much empty nesters.

So what do I do?

Am I to back off and not bring it up again and just trust God to work on his heart? Should I be happy with the 80% that's good? Or do I risk rejection and pursue him in this way?

Sometimes I wonder why he came home. He says he loves me and wants to grow old with me. I just feel so insecure and sad. I feel like he took something precious that was ours and gave it away and I never got it back.

I'd appreciate your help.

C

How would someone best determine if they have a sex addiction? Also, do you have any programs that specifically help with that? My husband has somewhat self diagnosed himself based on what he has learned about it.

Any advice for the betrayed (me) who is married to someone who has/had a sex addiction? I'm really insecure about this aspect of the betrayal. Were currently in the EMSO course.

Thank you

How do you find a therapist with infidelity experience? How do you know when you've found the right therapist? Do you have suggestions on what you can search for in google? Also, does it matter if its a male or female for couples therapy? Do men seem to be more responsive to male therapists?

What is journaling? Someone recommended it to my husband (the unfaithful) as a way of getting his full story out. My husband is resistant because he says he hates writing and it won't be helpful for him (he's never done anything like it before). What is it for someone who's never done it before?

Do you recommend SA for anyone who has been watching porn? Husband has been watching it for at least the past 7 years, but says he's not "addicted" to it and that if we were to have sex every day or every other day then he wouldn't need to see porn. Does that make sense? Is there anywhere else he can go for this besides SA?

Also - for the period of time between dday and finding a place of safety, do you have any suggestions on resuming intimacy? How could you resume intimacy when you feel like your spouse really isn't doing everything they can be to help your healing? I listened to John and Leslie's audio of resuming intimacy, but my husband and I are not there yet in terms of me feeling safe or him understanding respect for women as God created us. How long is reasonable for an expectation of celibacy for the unfaithful husband? (in terms of days, weeks or months?)