Affair Recovery

Samuel continues his video series on self pity with a pointed discussion and how it can diffuse momentum in restoration and personal recovery following infidelity and affairs.

Every program I have been through requires making goals to achieve desired results.  When I was going through recovery from an eating disorder, we had to write out a vision statement.  The purpose of this statement was to keep me inspired and on track.  It’s also written in present tense as if I am already there.  In the statement I include all of the feelings that I want to experience such as love, joy, peace, accomplishment, rest, and connection.

This is my vision statement concerning my recovery as a betrayed spouse: 

“I wake up in the morning, excited to start a new day....

Samuel discusses the motivation for recovery following the discovery of infidelity and affairs, and why it's important to know why you're getting healthy.

Samuel tackles in today's video one of the most difficult scenarios in infidelity recovery: ambivalence.

This particular blog is especially hard for me to write as it is something I am still working through and it feels very raw to me.  However, after reading many of the comments in the Community Forums on the Affair Recovery website I recognize the importance of speaking out.  My main goal of this particular piece is for those of you also struggling with this issue to know you are not alone and there is hope.

In my last blog ("Acceptance") I mentioned being treated for PTSD, something I didn’t even know I had until recently.  All I knew was that part of me was shut off.  I was still me but a lesser version...

While in recovery from affairs and infidelity, contempt can be a struggle for both the unfaithful and betrayed spouse. Today, continuing the 4 part video series discussing the four horsemen, I address contempt in part 3 of my 4 part video series and how to diffuse it.

GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.

The ability for me to develop acceptance and compassion for my husband has been huge in my own recovery.  I believe compassion and acceptance go hand in hand.  According to the Oxford dictionary, the definition of compassion is "sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others".  The definition of acceptance is "the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered".

What drives a person to do something like this?  They must be sick in the head, right!?! I believe that every human being has the ability to become a murderer, a thief, an adulterer, a slanderer, a...

Today Samuel shares in his video, the principle of healthy distrust which helps to prevent relapse in recovery after infidelity.

Samuel shares a humorous story in today's video about one of his therapy sessions with Samantha which changed the entire scope of their recovery following infidelity.

We all deal with trauma differently.  Some people haven’t had to deal with major heartache until finding out about their spouse's infidelity.  Unfortunately, I had a traumatic experience early on in my life that shaped how I deal with trauma.  I can always find somebody who has had a harder life than I have, but to dismiss the traumatic experiences I have had over my lifetime is not helpful to me or my family. 

When my husband first disclosed his extramarital activities, I dealt with it in the way I always had, I stuffed it in.  I mentioned in an earlier blog that...

In today's video, Lynn responds to Samuel's vlog Finding Gratitude as an Unfaithful and offers her perspective on finding gratitude as a betrayed.

Lynn is the author of Keep Walking, 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal, a devotional for women dealing with the trauma and heartache of betrayal.

In today's video, Samuel begins a new mini series on abandonment in recovery from infidelity and affairs.

One reason why people cheat is what I like to call “conscience searing”. Here is an example:

Bob and Cindy

Bob and Cindy had great childhoods. They grew up in loving families with strong religious and moral backgrounds.  Neither of them got into any serious trouble and both excelled at school. They met each other in college. They grew closer through the college years and before they knew it Bob had popped the question to Cindy. A joyful wedding and a wonderful honeymoon followed. They were madly in love and nothing would ever come between them. Things were good in...

In today's video, Samuel discusses the four horsemen in recovery including the #1 predictor of divorce in marriage and recovery.

GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.