Affair Recovery

"Can a marriage recover from an affair" is one of the most popular questions we are asked at affairrecovery.com. The answer is a resounding YES, if both parties are willing to do the work and commit to the process. Today, Alumnus Samuel shares practical and refreshing insight into answering that question, and how to do it. Rebuilding a marriage that has been ransacked by infidelity or addiction is no easy task, but it IS possible, when both parties have a proven blueprint for their own individual work...

Facing my shame that has plagued me my whole life has been eye-opening for me. I am learning that past trauma that I had left unattended to created a place in my psyche for the pervasive destruction of shame to take hold, wreaking havoc on me and my marriage. I understand now that avoiding and ignoring my strong negative feelings did not make me strong or brave. My husband, like me...

This past March, about 13 months after our D-Day, my husband suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm that landed him in the ER for emergency surgery. After his surgery, he spent 14 days in the ICU fighting for his life. Brain aneurysms usually have no symptoms until they rupture, and when they do, the survival rate is less than 50%. Needless to say, those 14 days were a very scary time for...

There are so many painful words that flood our minds following betrayal: Hurt. Stupid. Angry. Deceived. Heartbroken. Lost. Humiliated. Duped. Blindsided. Gullible. Used. Tricked. Embarrassed. Shattered. Disgraced. Ashamed. Crushed. Afraid. Numb.

All of those words are so painful, but there are two words that cut me to the core - not enough.

People compare themselves to others for a variety of reasons across many areas of life. The reasons for comparison may sound different on the surface, but mostly they are all pointing toward determining how much we...

The foundations of any healthy, life-giving marriage or long-lasting relationship are built in humility, compassion and self-sacrifice, (just to name a few). The antithesis of these is something called “destructive entitlement.” Believe it or not, after the disclosure of infidelity or addiction, one or both spouses can feel destructively entitled to various ways of handling the pain, trauma, and of course, perceived abandonment and rejection. The truth is, most marriages can be saved after this life-altering...

The affair happens. Maybe the betrayed spouse knows something about it, maybe they don't. In my case, I was very much aware. I asked him about it. Pointedly. Directly. Repeatedly. He lied. He told me I was "crazy," "paranoid," being "ridiculous." He would not tell me the truth. I knew it. He knew it. He knew that I knew it. But, no truth was to be had and we were at an impasse. Maybe you can relate.

Time passed. After an excruciating season, the affair eventually ended. Life went on. We both pretended all was 'normal,' but the secret remained between us, a wall that could...

Lisa Arends frequently shares her compelling story of her ex-husband divorcing her through a mere text message. What unfolded next was a story fit for the cinema screen. Several years later, Lisa is remarried, pursuing a vibrant career in data science, and impacting the lives of thousands of hurting, betrayed spouses who are looking for the courage to keep going after divorce. Lisa has a knack for encouraging those who are trying to heal, not only in practical ways, but also through expert insight into the mind of the betrayed spouse.

Though...

During healing from infidelity, attunement is a couple’s best friend. When both spouses are in touch with one another’s inner world and inner pain, oneness is within reach. When one or both spouses feel abandoned in their pain, they have...

Today, I’m thrilled to share my most recent interview with best-selling author Thomas Gagliano. He specializes in family-focused therapy, and is also an expert in childhood trauma, family dynamics and addiction — including the crisis of infidelity.

Last time we met, he discussed self-sabotage, infidelity and resistance to obtaining professional help. Today, Tom will be exploring the mind of the unfaithful, extracting out ways the unfaithful can feel fragmented and paralyzed. I hope, through today’s interview, you find healing and freedom from...

Last time, we talked about how stupid we can feel after betrayal is discovered or disclosed. It is a universal feeling that only adds insult to the injury of betrayal. It leaves us wondering: If we had been savvier, would everything have somehow been different and our spouses would not have betrayed us? There is nothing like marital betrayal to make you question everything about yourself, your reality and even your sanity.

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Crisis: It doesn't knock before it...

Today, I'm going to discuss something that's at the cornerstone of recovery for couples: How to rebuild trust after infidelity. When there's been infidelity of any kind, trust has been shattered. We've heard from...

Not too long ago, someone pulled me aside and asked, “Seriously, how long is it going to be like this?” At our EMS Weekends in person, the conversations inevitably take a turn to these sorts of questions. Often, participants want to know:

“How long are we going to have to do this work?” “Is it always going to be this hard?” “When does it get better?”

I’ve said this before and I’ll continue to say it: We didn’t get here overnight, and we got to this place because of one...

Over the last decade in a half or so, I’ve been doing my own work and had the privilege of watching other people do their work as they heal from infidelity or addiction. During that time, I’ve come to the realization that, in many ways, our healing, our future and our personal restoration require the ownership of two things: our choices and our outcomes.

What Happens When We Own Our Choices

If I can’t own the choices that I’ve made, particularly as an unfaithful spouse, I’m not safe and I make myself a victim. If we can own our choices, we can...