We enrolled in the EMSO course agreeing that I would go first as the unfaithful, though we've both been unfaithful. Through the timeline exercise, I found it specially hard since the one who has trickle truthed and consistently rewritten our marital history has been my spouse since our DDays 3 years ago. When we were encouraged to get into our timelines in detail, I felt a lot of resistance from her; for almost a year, I've completely stopped asking her to come clean, after a lot of thought and agonising and in the interests of getting to a common understanding of our marital history and feeling extremely vulnerable and debased in doing so... I indirectly queried her about any lingering 'truths' which were hidden. She said with absolute certainty "there is nothing else"; why this answer caused me despair was that even though I've been painfully or radically honest with her since we started trying to work on recovery, yet, after 3 years, I could not answer with such certainty. At best, I would say something like "I've tried to tell you everything I can remember and answer all your questions with complete honesty". What left me feeling worse was that her approach completely ignores the aspect of her trickle truthing for over a year and I believe I will never know 'our' marital history; let alone the number and extent of her infidelities. My question is whether we can actually achieve any progress when one spouse-whether hurt or unfaithful; has so much resistance to being open to the program. (and whether it was a good idea that I should take this course as the unfaithful first when, in fact, I feel that my spouse is still stuck in her wayward mentality)

After the empathy exercises last week and our subsequent discussion; it was reconfirmed to me that for my spouse this is another exercise in futility. "If it works, then great and if it doesn't; she already knew it wouldn't.". It feels like she's already rewritten our 3 years since DDay; her consistent approach from the beginning of EMSO is that she gets to feel like the hurt spouse for 'only' a window of 13 weeks and I am not doing a good job of playing the unfaithful part. Though there may be some truth in that; what is more apparent is that-just like our previous attempts at recovery through counseling and online forums; her approach is one of being cautious, "holding her cards to herself", not allowing herself to fully commit to the process and continuing her deceit so that she has a feeling of controlling the situation. Her 13 week window comment sounded more like to me that once EMSO is finished, its back to 'business as usual'; i.e. based on 3 years post DDay of deceit, selfishness and insincere commitments she feels no need to live up to. I'd like to know what I can do; being both the unfaithful and the hurt spouse to achieve some results from the course; knowing it is impossibly hard to just "park" my feelings of being constantly betrayed even after her infidelities due to her continued lies, insincerity, abuse and manipulation.