I'm so disgusted by the choices my husband made. They go against everything we value. He chose a younger woman born in the same decade as our daughter. This just makes me sick. To know when we were getting married, she was 7 years old. He did not use protection, putting out lives at risk. He barely knew her and had only been in the 'relationship' for a month but trusted she would not have any STDs. She works with him and they broke the code of conduct week after week, doing things in an unlocked conference room. This put his job of 20 years at risk. It is still at risk, if anyone were to find out. He lied to everyone, messaging while spending time with me, our children, his family and friends. He risked destroying the hearts of those most important to him. Only because I have chosen to not share, have those hearts been spared. I'm stuck with feeling "Do I really know him? Did I ever know him?" He tells me he is the same man. That he wasn't thinking clearly. That he had all these messed up thoughts about me, our life and her. He explains that it was like a drug. That he was obsessed and would wake up each morning needing that 'fix'. But now, he looks back and can't believe how he ever thought that way. He is disgusted by what he has done. I know it will never make sense because I've never lived it. But how do I stop feeling so appalled by who he was. How do I move forward knowing he can be so horrible? It is terrifying to know he is capable of this. After 25 years together, more than 1/2 my life with him, to know it only took 2 months for him to fall so completely and sacrifice everything. It is so much to process. How do I get back to loving who he is, instead of feeling love and then thinking "Yeah, but he chose to do those disgusting things..."