So nice to hear from the male betrayed perspective. Although listening to it has triggered me and I am sitting here with tears running down my face. My DDay was Jan 2015 and I am still not sure I can get past this or if our marriage can be saved. My husband did the 17weeek small mens group last year and although he said it helped him it seems more like just ticking boxes to me. I just don't feel like he is showing the remorse or has made amends. To me it feels hollow and continuing on with this relationship is like living with a person who committed a crime and has got away with it. I know that staying will just eat me away inside with rottenness and I will eventually hate myself. I have been diagnosed with PTSD over this and the way and what I discovered is etched into my being. Yet, I want to know that I have tried everything before I leave and am sure that he either won't or can't change. I have never read about an affair that has been like my husbands. He left as a way of escaping what had become a pretty miserable marriage. He left because the AP offered him a roof over his head albeit at a cost of taking out a loan and taking over her mortgage. But he had no affection for, the sex was awful...she just lay there. He has admitted he had no commitment to her and wasn't attracted to her physically or mentally. He admits that he just used her as she did him. The attraction was a roof over his head and that he thought he could behave and do what he liked there and not be held to account. She was a door mat and did let him do what he wanted as she had her own agenda and it seems never actually liked him much as a person but liked his wallet better. At this stage his salary was listed online with the company he worked for and it was pretty hefty at the time.As a FIFO worker he saw her on his way home from work on his rostered breaks and actually moved in with her for a period of 7 weeks......I thought he was overseas working. But he had moved in. I got sent bank docs for the loan (oops!) and knew immediately when I opened the envelope that my world had just exploded underneath me. I was with my 17 yr. old son,, and could not hide anything. It was obvious he wanted out of the marriage, having gone into debt with her. She had 4 kids....and yes, that is what he said he wanted. This all came out whilst he was in Africa working and when we first met up to talk things through he then wanted to come back. It turns out (no surprises)that she was 9 yrs younger and a real gold digger. He has low self esteem a lot of pride and self entitlement, conflict avoidance and passive aggressive behaviour. She was a doormat who flattered him and pushed the relationship along. I would not be that doormat and will never be. I just can't get my head around the fact that he didn't leave for love or affection as he wasn't getting any of that from her. Our marriage was pretty bad..married 30 years with 3 sons...I had bee communicating with him about problems and seeing a therapist but he wouldn't and all I got from him on his last RR at home was a sentence saying "I'm not happy" I could handle it better if she was someone he liked and was giving what was missing in our marriage but she wasn't. I often thought during that 17 week course how much I would have liked and learnt by being able to listen and ask questions of the unfaithful men in the group other than my husband. To me, I can see that that would have been so helpful to get into the brain of another betrayed and gain some more insight from others in the same boat as my husband.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble. It's all out now.

I am a betrayed spouse and I can't tell you how helpful this video was. Thank you, thank you! His courage to talk about this is so admirable.

Alejandro, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am a betrayed female who is divorced from my spouse of 20 plus years. I am also a divorce attorney. The pain of my spouse's infidelity and the breach of trust was unbearable. I was heartbroken and I desperately attempted to save my marriage for the benefit of my family, as did you. I may have held on even longer than I should have because of what I do as a profession and knowing the repercussions of divorce. In the end, my marriage was not salvageable. Your insight into your healing process and the example that there can be light and happiness again in the future is so helpful. From a professional perspective, I really want to thank you for your comments on how you coparent with your former spouse for the benefit of the children after infidelity rocks their world. I know it cannot be easy and that it takes really placing the kids first. I hope that people who watch this will be able to see how doing the work to heal when you are betrayed is so very important because there are kids who need their parents to work together to see goodness and positivity and that they matter the most. Your comments will be inspirational to others. Also, thank you for the comments on how faith played your role in healing by bringing joy and peace back to your life. I couldn't agree more and God saved me at my darkest hours. Best wishes.

Hi Samual , just wanted to say I loved that interview; I am a betrayed female in Scotland and have been watching many of the videos on Affair recovery as has my husband, they are all helpful. We are hoping to do some me of the courses but as things sometimes go we have no internet at the moment as in March before lockdown we moved into a new house we built and are having many problems with getting internet. Hopefully it will be soon as we are stuck, having had 2 D days with 6 months in between.
Anyway thank you for the supper you give out freely, it is helping us from falling off the edge. Caroline.

I can relate to this so SO much! I took pages of notes and it is pretty wild how much I can relate to this video. Thank you thank you thank you!