It has been 19 months since discovery. My husband had an affair on and off for 9 years. We have been together 21 years and married for 13. During our dating years I would break up then get back with him. During the last break up I became physically involved with someone else then got back with him and this devastated our relationship. My husband broke off the affair immediately, which I am grateful for. He struggled to be honest with me. During our previous EMS Online call I found out a big lie. This undid everything for me. Keeping the truth from me deepened the wound further. He has started opening up his phone now, after 15 months after discovery of fighting and begging. I feel like his actions of not being transparent with me immediately or during EMS Online have left me feeling not valued. He says I criticized and blamed him a lot when I get triggers and says he cannot take it anymore. I have been very critical towards him in our marriage. We are good people, work well with each other but do not seem to click emotionally. I do not know if I am being too needy because I want him to validate my pain and I am stuck on that. Should I let him go? I feel like I am making his life miserable now and that is not my intention. We go through a lot of these hurtful cycles. He does a lot of things well, and he is a great father.