Our 13 year long distance relationship started from an affair. Today I am the unfaithful spouse. We never got legally married, she is still legally married to the same person in another country with a son that's an adult now. The closest family members of hers and mine knows of our relationship. She is moving to my country but wants to remain in contact with him for basic care and also spend time with her son together with the "ex" living under the same roof for a few weeks every year, while spending most of her time with me in another country. I'm giving my best shot to heal, yet this lingers at the back of my mind. Am I just playing the victim to reduce my guilt or exert power over my spouse? Should I try to fix myself first then fix the other problem?