I'm having a hard time understanding exactly what you mean in week 7 of EMSO on Marriage. You say that our role is not to meet our spouse's needs or be concerned about making them happy but to just enjoy them and who they are. My problem is this....I tried that and I'm still hurting. My spouse kept saying he was tired of "working on our problems" and we just needed to have fun and enjoy each other like you said. So i did that for a couple months. I ignored the problems we were having, let him just be himself even though that meant I had to go without any intimate conversation, he didn't initiate any date nights, he drank more, sex was all about him. I feel even lonelier and like I just don't matter at all. His focus was just on himself and doing what he wanted to make himself happy. I still continued to serve him, be there for him in anyway he needed, etc. I now feel used. As a woman and a wife i do have needs that only my husband can meet so am i just suppose to ignore those and let him treat me and our marriage however he wants? How does enjoying your spouse work if you say marriage is not about meeting your spouse's needs or being concerned about their happiness? I am more unhappy now than i was post D-Day because this is exactly how our marriage was before the affair.....