Q&A How Can I Implement Boundaries More Effectively?

Submitted by Rick_Reynolds 6 years ago

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Question: 

I still struggle with implementing boundaries. I know what they are and what they're for: they're meant to keep me safe rather than to control the other person. And I wholeheartedly abide by this. But for some reason, when it comes to consequences of boundary violations, I am stumped. The only consequence I seem to revert to is separation or just getting into a big shouting match, and I'm tired to always jumping to that for every boundary. Also, I'm starting to take myself less seriously whenever I default to these. What are some examples of consequences that are reasonable and doable? For example, what is a good consequence for failing to check in with me while traveling? I don't think this merits separation, but I don't know what is a good alternative, especially for repeat offences of this violation.

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas

I liked this question very

Submitted by [name hidden] on

I liked this question very much!
As yes, sometimes we do not want to react with the extremes and I am also interested in exploring what other options do we have!

Maybe letting the other person know how does it make us feel when a boundary has been violated might help the other understand how we feel and why we need things.
At the same time I can understand how this can be a struggle as when the other doesnt comprehend the importance of this, one can feel stuck.
I guess a third option could be a specific type of communication. Maybe a deep mutual exchange between 2 parties how EACH feel about the request and the absence of the expected action?

I'd love to hear more thoughts on this!