While the sexual betrayal and incredible deception of my husband’s affair are incredibly hurtful, I am really struggling with the intentionality aspect of his actions. He decided all of this was worth the incredible effort it took to pull it off. He planned with his affair partner where to meet, what to do together, and the many lies to feed me so he wouldn’t be inconvenienced by my very obvious pain as I suspected the affair all along. He explains now he was apathetic and did not see my pain, and was only thinking of himself. But every time he went with her or lied to me he made a choice. He made me socialize with her so she had a front row seat to the mockery of our marriage but he explains he never considered that and it was unintentional. His choices have devastated me and I am still deeply depressed, 15 months after discovery. I want to be happy with him - the new and redeemed man his is now. He is repentant and has deep empathy and patience for me in this process. He is everything I could ask for in a husband and he has been an unfailing support to me. We attended EMS Weekend and I completed Harboring Hope. But I am stuck on the idea that he was so intentional in hurting me and can’t seem to move on. This seems to be a roadblock.