When I was 18 I got into the adult film industry. Through counselling and my own self reflection can see obviously how boundaries in my relationships were never established. I have the ability to compartmentalize that as a job and block it out like I do most things in my life. I have been chronically unfaithful throughout my relationship. Going through my story I can see how my insecurities drove some of the adult modeling. I wanted that affirmation that I am beautiful attractive normal ect. My self esteem has always been a huge struggle for me with self harm in my past. My husband understandably is having a difficult time seeing that when I was having these affairs I almost used sex as currency for the time they were giving me. Also knowing if I gave them sex which is what these guys wanted they would want to see me again and give me the time of day. How do I help my mate process this and that he was never not satisfying to me. My deceived self has said many things to hurt his self esteem through our relationship and recovery process as well. I feel like I have stood by telling my mate that he was never the issue sexually.