I don't know how I am able to work through the forgiveness process as the betrayed due my inability to look at my part in the marriage dynamic. When your spouse allows you to think your life is one way for a decade and does not give you a chance for course correction, what part of that do you own? The betrayal is already a loud enough message of "you failed". And the message early on was literally "I hated you". This does play into my big trauma from childhood. If I cannot look back at my stuff should I continue in this process? I am exhausted and I know he is too.