amira, thank you for commenting.  i gave full disclosure at ground zero and gave it all up right there.  drip feeding over time is just excruciating for the betrayed spouse.   i'm sorry it's such a tough time right now.  i know the granular details can be tough.  i think you can make it if you get expert help....not to slam or speak unkindly of the help you're getting, but you really need expert care like our ems weekend.  have you done the bootcamp?  have you looked at any of our online stuff?  i would ask him to do something like our ems weekend before making any final decisions....it will take that level of expert care and insight or often times,  it gets so dark you don't know how to get out of the darkness and confusion.  it's normal for the betrayed to feel as though they can't do it......especially after finding out all the info over a long period of time, but they do rebound when they have the right support.  they can definitely come back to the discussion and at the very least, be open to options.  i hope all that helps.