Q&A What Am I Supposed to Do as the Hurt Spouse Trying to Heal from My Husband’s Hurtful Behavior While Now Navigating My Past?

In 2002, my then boyfriend caught me having a nine month affair with a mutual friend. It became public at our then church, but we recovered without support. We were teens. Nine years later we got married and have children. Now, 20 years later, I’m four months out from discovering my husband had a five year affair. He seems remorseful and we are doing EMS Online. However he now constantly brings up my affair from 20 years ago. I made and kept my promise to always discuss it anytime. My concern is he initiates discussing my affair more than his own. When I discuss his affair, sometimes he tends to bring up mine and gets upset if I feel he’s deflecting. This doesn't seem right. I am currently the hurt spouse trying to heal from his infidelity. But sometimes Its like I'm the unfaithful one along with him. I know his unfaithfulness is bringing up past feelings, I expect that. What am I supposed to do as the hurt spouse trying to heal from my husband’s hurtful behavior while now navigating my past? Is it right to now deal with my past again? Should I be answering his questions now? I’m trying to heal from what he did while empathizing when he brings it up. Feels wrong.