Q&A Why Does His Shame Trump My Pain?
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Question
Nearly every time I’m triggered or try to turn to my husband for security or validation his shame gets triggered. He either regresses or explodes. I am left feeling like my pain isn’t as important as his and that I have to swallow my feelings to protect his. He has told me that he doesn’t want to relive or think about his horrible mistake again. He says that if I feel triggered I have to think back to the good things he’s done. This doesn’t seem fair. What’s the point in being in this relationship if I can only turn to him when things are good or on his terms?
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