Q&A Why Isn't More Time Spent Discovering Why They Had an Affair?

We never address the “ Why”. We do workbooks and EMS Weekends. But what about the “ Why"? If we don’t address the “why” we will never know why we cheated and our spouse may never stop thinking that this will just happen again. It seems as this should be one of the very first things to be addressed. But I get it, if they answer too soon their answers may not be good and they may change. But still, a lesson of the many things that go into cheating should be looked at. Such as our upbringing, traumas, how we deal with life’s big challenges. Do we drink, do we go find someone other than our mate? Were we never taught to really honor our vows, are we selfish? Are we easily moved by someone’s saying kind words to us and we cheat? What is going on that so many marriages end up like this? I don’t believe this started after the marriage. I believe it started before. Whether they married me or a someone else, I believe they were going to cheat. I had an ex-college-boyfriend that was heavy into pornography before he met me then that addiction took him to massage parlors and a prostitute. I had an ex-husband that molested his nieces growing up and also did pornography. My current husband had cheated on his former wife and was an alcoholic, used drugs, frequented an adult bookstore, listened to audible books online that were rated xxx, went to strip clubs, etc., all before he married me. And I do not believe that if I changed anything about myself that I wouldn’t be in this same position I am now. It isn’t me.”