Facing Your Triggers: Finding Freedom on a Dance Floor

I conquered a trigger last week, and I couldn’t wait to get home from my vacation and share it with you!

One of the assignments in EMS Online is to list your triggers. When I took EMS Online about 3 1/2 years ago, I remember thinking, “How many can I list? How much time do I get? We could be here all night!”

Somewhere near the bottom of my list, but still significant enough for me to note, was a song. It was a song my husband had confessed he and the affair partner really liked and had enjoyed listening to together.

Ever since I learned about their connection to this song, I’ve never been able to listen to it. The minute it comes on the radio, I can’t turn it off fast enough.

Well, picture this: I was on a beautiful cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean, en-route to Aruba. I had just finished a decadent dinner with my husband and twin daughters, celebrating their 21st birthdays. As we walked out of the dining room, they were having a dance party in the middle of the ship!

We were having so much fun, dancing to the first few songs, and then it happened. That song, their song came on. I felt panicked. I couldn’t turn it off. The best I could do was make up a reason I had to leave. But instead, I thought, “It’s time.

For the first time, I feel like it’s been enough time.

I’m not only going to listen to this entire damn song. I’m going to dance and apparently even sing with my husband and my twins.”

I knew it was time to reclaim the associations I had to this song and any power it once had over me.

I haven’t heard that song since, and I don’t know when I will hear it again. But when I do, my hope is that instead of thinking about the affair partner, I will think about dancing with my husband and twin daughters in our cocktail attire in the middle of the Caribbean.

Healing does not mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.

Healing is more than just possible. Join us for healing in action. Register for EMS Online today.

Comments

Re: triggers

Submitted by HanaSteve on Mon, 12/02/2024 - 21:05

It is nice to hear that you have conquered a major trigger for you.
My wife still has many many triggers and I'm sure how she also can conquer them. Oftentimes I avoid the areas that have triggers, but that means I'm walking on eggshells. And the triggers will eventually come up. Sweden is a major trigger. I went to Sweden to be with the AP. How often does Sweden pop up in the news, a TV show, or in conversation with people we know. I want to move forward and be able to smooth the sharp edges of triggers, but the triggers sometimes end in tears, anger, or despair.
How can I, the wayward help her?
~Steve

Triggers

Submitted by Candace on Wed, 12/04/2024 - 23:33

Hello HanaSteve, I have a tremendous amount of empathy for both of you. Speaking for myself, it was the combination of time + recovery work that helped me cope with my triggers. The vast majority of mine have morphed from triggers into what I now consider "associations." I will still associate the name, place, or thing, but they gradually start to feel less painful. I still have a few that are difficult for me, even four years later. Some have been easier to conquer than others. Harboring Hope and EMS Online helped me process my pain and heal in a safe space. My husband has been patient with me and I had to learn to be patient with myself. Even slow progress is progress. Affair Recovery is here to support you and your wife. To healing,
Candace

Thank you. I appreciate your

Submitted by HanaSteve on Fri, 12/06/2024 - 22:47

Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts on this.
I hope we can participate in one or more of the programs. To go from trigger to association would be monumental in my mind.
~Steve

Comments

What type of affair was it?

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