Q&A Why Is It Always on Me to Set Boundaries?

My wayward wife's cousin has recently invited the family to his wedding. He is marrying the affair partner he left his pregnant wife for. I've been extremely angry about all of this, and even more angry that my wife wants to go to this wedding. She says that family is important to her and that its important to her to be true to herself. The wedding was this weekend and things between us are a disaster now. I am dumbfounded at how she doesn't seem to see how staggeringly insensitive it is for her to go to this thing. She says she would have not gone if I asked her not to. But why is it always on me to say no? Shouldn't she have awareness at this point that this is such a huge emotional burden to ask me to deal with? I asked her to come on here and ask for advice, to talk to other women on AR for their viewpoints, to talk to another from our EMSO group, but she just refuses and says I'm trying to control her. I don’t know what to do. This wound is so very deep.