Has a lack of knowing what to do ever made things worse? You can bet I've found that to be true. For instance, when I was a kid, a few close friends and I decided to go cliff jumping in the dark of the night. Our plan was birthed from watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. For some strange reason, we thought the excitement would be intensified if we leapt off the cliff in the dead of night. Can you imagine the rush from jumping off a 30-foot cliff not knowing when you'd hit the water? As you can guess, we failed to consider the ramifications of our night jump!

Swimming in the Dark

Hitting the water from 30 feet left me totally disoriented. In the dark, I had no way of telling if I was swimming up, down, or sideways, making it hard to find my way back to the surface. I was in a pickle. After about 45 seconds of futility, I began to panic. I had to face the reality that I was in serious trouble. Thankfully, my friend, David, hadn't jumped yet. When he didn't hear us, he turned his light on, and as the saying goes, I swam toward the light.

If infidelity has disrupted (or turned upside down) your marriage, you're likely familiar with that same life-threatening disorientation I experienced when swimming in the dark. The shock created by my infidelity was so painful and disorienting, my wife and I had no way of knowing which direction to go. Like swimming in the dark, often times in the aftermath of an affair, you can't tell if you're improving, regressing, or completely stalled. Without someone shining a light, you don't know which way to turn.

Someone Turn the Lights On

One weekend, Stephanie and I were with our friends, Jeff and Liz, who have also survived an affair. Jeff described another useful analogy to explain what they experienced after his betrayal. He said, "It was like running through the forest at full tilt in the dark. Every time you hit a tree, it knocks you for a loop. Until someone turned the light on, there was no way to avoid smacking into trees."

Like most of you, Stephanie and I were paralyzed. We had no idea where to turn; we had no road map to follow. Even worse, some of the suggestions we received were downright destructive. Without the blessing of friendship with Jeff and Liz, I'm not sure we could have made it. They not only provided much needed hope, but answered our questions and gave us direction based on their own lived experience. Having their journey as an example, we could see where we were and where we needed to go. Before that, perhaps like you, we were treading water in the dark.

A Source of Light for YOU

For most of us, the complexities of infidelity make finding help for a specific situation difficult. The Affair Analyzer on our website has over 850 possible outcomes, and that's a conservative number. There is no "one size fits all!" Don't give up if initially you fail to find something that speaks to your situation. If you keep searching, eventually you'll find someone or something who can speak specifically to where you're at in recovery.

Over a decade ago, I dreamed of providing an expert-driven resource library where people could find answers for their specific questions. The difficulty of creating an affordable resource proved far greater than I imagined. However, we now have a way to provide answers to your specific questions. This incredible resource is called the Recovery Library. If you're not already a member, I encourage you to join today. Find the answers to your difficult questions, gain understanding of the healing journey for both you and your mate, and most importantly, know you're not alone.

If you're the wayward spouse, Hope for Healing is now open. This course provides a safe place to find healing and insight as you work through expert-created curriculum. Purchasing the course grants you access to submitting a question to the Ask Rick Q&A for the duration of the 17-week program. Click here to learn more: https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing