, 1 day 6 hours ago
Hope pushed me forward

Some days, everything can seem like too much to handle, and this can really take a toll on your energy. I spent many sleepless nights wishing, hoping, and praying to wake up to find that all my pain had disappeared. The pain seemed to rot in my gut and would then turn to anger, followed by sadness. Ironically, most days, the pain wasn’t even about the state of my marriage, but rather trying to cope with the loss of my “first marriage.” I was still married to the same person, but I was grieving the loss of the...

, 5 days 2 hours ago

In the weeks and months following the discovery of my husband’s affair, I most often would find myself going through the motions of daily life. Being a stay at home mom of five homeschooled children, I didn’t have a “break” from my kids. My break from daily life would often be found in the seclusion of my vehicle.

On one occasion I found myself driving aimlessly...

, 1 week 6 hours ago

Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!

The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.

Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated...

, 1 week 2 days ago
If you are stuck, keep pushing for clarity

My aunt was radiantly beautiful in colored head scarves and rocked GI Jane length hair throughout the three years of her battle with cancer. She remained joyful and full of life, even in the midst of multiple rounds of treatment. When she was unable to travel to a family gathering last fall, I missed her, but simply assumed this was just one more round of chemo, and I’d see her again. That did not happen.

When she passed, I remember wondering why I had not even considered the fact that this...

, 2 weeks 2 days ago
Neither my spouse nor her affair partner can determine my self-worth.

There I was sitting at my dining room table.

I was three days removed from “D-Day” and as the betrayed spouse, in a bit of a rough spot. My wife had left to go stay with friends for the week so we could both take some time to determine our next steps individually and as a couple.

As I was sitting at the same table where our family had eaten countless meals together, the thoughts of comparison kept creeping up in my mind. It was like a bad nightmare that I couldn’t...

, 3 weeks 2 days ago
Time itself doesn't matter as much as what we do with that time.

I sat in the therapist's office for the first time after my husband finally confessed his affair. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Surely I did not belong here, did I?

She introduced herself, we had some preliminary conversation, and I told her my story. I didn’t know what people actually did following betrayal, but I knew I needed help and I needed it now. The pain I was experiencing was excruciating and I could barely move through the day. My head was spinning...

, 3 weeks 5 days ago

I conquered a trigger last week, and I couldn’t wait to get home from my vacation and share it with you!

One of the assignments in EMS Online is to list your triggers. When I took EMS Online about 3 1/2 years ago, I remember thinking, “How many can I list? How much time do I get? We could be here all night!”

Somewhere near...

, 4 months 4 hours ago

Four years ago, I discovered my husband wasn’t who I thought he was. When he left the house, he didn’t secretly fight crime or possess any cool superpowers. Instead, he had lived a double life for over a decade.

I heard my parent’s generation speak about where they were when they learned that President Kennedy had been shot. Everyone remembers where...

, 4 months 2 weeks ago

Melissa here. I wanted to take a second to share a moment I had this week, from watching the new movie Inside Out 2. For those of you who may have missed the first Inside Out movie, it's an animated depiction of a young girl, Riley, and her journey navigating her emotions, Joy, Anger, Sadness, Disgust and Fear.

In this second...

, 5 months 3 days ago

Join Rodney and Angela for an uncut heartfelt, free-flowing finale of Season 2. In this special episode, they extend their deep gratitude to everyone who made this journey possible: the dedicated crew, the supportive audience, and last but not least, each other. Reflecting on their growth and lessons learned over the past two seasons, they revisit...

, 5 months 5 days ago

Hello, my name is Candace.

I was scrolling through Instagram a few days ago, and I saw this quote that said, “I feel like I’m in Season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous stuff up to keep it interesting.” It made me think of a few random things that happened during my first season of recovery that were so poorly timed that it was almost...

, 6 months 1 day ago

In His presence there is peace, freedom, and comfort. Rodney and Angela remind us that we have the privilege and freedom to bring all of our emotions to God, including the difficult ones. He is a faithful friend, fierce warrior, and compassionate counselor, and though what we face may not seem good, He is always working for our good. His mercies...

, 6 months 1 week ago

Hi. I’m Karen Baker supervised by Rick Reynolds. In this video, I'll lead you through a short, guided meditation on compassion. Opening our hearts and practicing self-compassion and compassion for others can help us accept and give space to our anxieties.

Sometimes, focused and kind attention is all we need to feel more at peace and ease....

, 6 months 1 week ago

I’m Karen Baker, a graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associate, supervised by Rick Reynolds.

In this video, I'll lead you through a short, guided meditation on compassion specifically for anxiety. Opening our hearts by practicing self-compassion and compassion for others can help us accept and give space to...

, 6 months 2 weeks ago

Hello. I am Candace. Should you stay, or should you go post D-Day? I'll tell you who tends to have the instant answer to that question- everyone who has never been sucker punched by infidelity firsthand. Whether you are the betrayed or the wayward partner, we know that decision is not as easy as people make it out to be.

There are so many things to consider...

, 6 months 2 weeks ago

My name is Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern at Crossroad Counseling and Associates, where I am supervised by Rick Reynolds.

In this video, I will lead you through a short, guided meditation. Experiencing a betrayal is a profoundly traumatic experience. Your whole self can become completely...

, 6 months 3 weeks ago

One of the hardest lessons to grasp in the journey towards healing from betrayal is realizing your inability to control the path your wayward mate takes. This is particularly counterintuitive for those of us who have dedicated our lives to growing relationships and a family. We have invested our time and energy in paving the way for our loved ones to succeed and be happy. We have cared as deeply for our partner and family as we have for ourselves. Our life has revolved around their safety and growth.

We must be careful not to burn out or overextend ourselves in the service of others and to take good care of ourselves. This is a reality we may not like. However, denial of that reality will not change it, no matter how ardently we wish things to be...

, 6 months 3 weeks ago

To Tell or Not to Tell…Our Friends and Family

People struggle with the decision of whether to tell friends and family and, particularly their children, about the infidelity that occurred in their marriage. For some, the ugly truth comes out before they consider it. Sometimes, kids are collateral damage in the ensuing chaos, overhearing or directly witnessing the arguments and drama by parents overwhelmed with their emotions.

I’ve heard both sides of this dilemma declare with certainty that their perspective is the only right choice for one reason or another, but I’ve also heard people regret how they handled it and wish they could go back and do it differently. Some feel it is inherently wrong and deceptive to keep a secret like this within a...

, 6 months 4 weeks ago

Freedom begins in a community of “me too” people, people committed to helping you carry your burden. ~ Sheila Walsh

When a person experiences a loss or tragedy, those around them often offer support differently. People say things like, “Let me know if you need anything,” or “I’m here for you.” This can be genuine and well-meaning, but to the person amid crisis or grief, they’re not especially helpful. That is passive support, meaning if the grieving person comes to me and asks for something specific, I will provide it.

Active support looks like this: “I have two hours free on Tuesday evening. I’d like to bring you dinner and babysit your kids....

, 7 months 1 day ago

As I first ventured into the world of betrayal recovery, I listened to several experts advise against asking too many questions and getting too many details about their spouse’s betrayal. They cautioned that the details can be damaging and cause lingering intrusive thoughts. The predominant advice is to stick to the basic information of timeframe and generic summary of events but otherwise to steer clear of anything that could be considered a question related to comparison, like physical appearance, body type, specific sexual experiences, etc. The advice was that these things don’t serve to promote healing, and it is better to keep them unknown. (A list of suggested questions to consider asking instead can be found here.)

Not asking for details is very...

, 7 months 6 days ago

Today Rodney and Angela will share with you an original song written from Psalm 23. Find a quiet place, close your eyes and listen as they testify of the Shepherd’s provision, peace, protection, presence, prosperity, and promises. In spite of the pain and trauma of infidelity, we can find solace in the arms of our mighty God as He holds us in...

, 7 months 1 week ago

Hi. My name is Rachel. Infidelity not only impacts our relationship with our partners, but it also affects the relationship we have with ourselves, as we're grappling with a new reality that we didn't expect or ask for.

We may also notice some negative messages, words, thoughts, and beliefs about ourselves. This inner bullying voice...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago

Hello. My name is Candace. I have something to share with you today that was submitted to Affair Recovery by an EMS Online participant just about one year ago. It’s a piece about the secret life and timely death of her husband’s cell phone.

In this post I am going to read what she wrote and then I am going to share some pro tips to help create...

, 7 months 3 weeks ago

Hi. My name's Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern at Crossroad Counseling Associates, being supervised by Rick Reynolds. Experiencing betrayal trauma is incredibly jarring. Your whole system becomes dysregulated and flooded at a moment's notice. In this video, I'm going to lead you through a short, guided meditation to help you come back to...

, 7 months 3 weeks ago

Hi, my name is Karen Baker. I’m the graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associates, supervised by Rick Reynolds. In this video, I will teach you several different diaphragmatic breathing exercises that you can use to emotionally regulate and tone your Vagus Nerve.

Your breath is the first place to connect with your body,...

, 7 months 4 weeks ago

Hi. My name is Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associates, being supervised by Rick Reynolds. Experiencing infertility is an incredibly jarring experience, and that's why we call it betrayal trauma. In a previous video, I discussed why and how we become dysregulated, as well as the importance of...

, 8 months 4 days ago

In this episode Rodney and Angela share the profound change they experienced following his D-Day on March 8th, 2014. Amidst the death of the old, a new marriage and new hearts emerged. They share how they navigated this journey with gratitude and grace. Through transparency and healing, they discovered the power of God's promise to restore and uplift...

, 8 months 6 days ago

Hello, Kristin S. here. If you're watching this video, it means that you've experienced infidelity in some way in your life. You've either discovered that your partner has cheated on you, or maybe you have been unfaithful to your partner.

No matter which side of this equation that you're on, it's likely that you can appreciate how entirely lonely this...

, 8 months 1 week ago
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“If I get pregnant, I’ll just have an abortion.” When asked if she was safe

Threatening to have me arrested for child abuse

Using kids’ social media accounts to contact and stalk men

Sleeping with a man she met two hours earlier on Facebook….. unprotected

Setting up dating apps while in the parking lot waiting for our therapy appointment

Wearing different clothes and hairstyles

Sneaking off to the bathroom to text APs while at Disneyland with the family...

, 8 months 1 week ago

Hello. This is Kristin. As an unfaithful spouse, one may argue that the shame I experienced post affair was expected, while unhelpful to my healing. One would expect that I would be feeling shame, guilt after what happened. I had betrayed the trust of my spouse, of my family, my friends, and maybe most importantly, myself. This type...

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