Hello, my name is Candace.

I was scrolling through Instagram a few days ago, and I saw this quote that said, “I feel like I’m in Season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous stuff up to keep it interesting.” It made me think of a few random things that happened during my first season of recovery that were so poorly timed that it was almost funny.

In this post, I will share some of those “You HAVE TO BE KIDDING!?” moments with you, and then close with a pro tip that continues to help me put my drama and trauma into perspective.

The first one was sooo bad it made me feel like I might be on some Totally Hidden Video or "Punked" type show. Allow me to set the scene: When my husband and I got married in early 1999, digital photography and videography were newly available, but totally out of our budget. We might have been the very last couple to have our wedding reception videos recorded on giant VHS tapes.

Fast-forward. We were just a couple of months into our recovery when my birthday fell on Thanksgiving. For some totally unexplainable reason, my Mom, who we had not disclosed the infidelity to yet, decided that now, 21 years after the wedding, she would have those wedding reception videos converted into modern technology and give them to me as my birthday present. She was SO EXCITED not only to watch me open my gift but then insisted that we watch it. The look of terror on my husband’s face quickly turned from panic to damage control. I think we made it about 10 minutes through the first video before he came up with some reason about why it needed to be turned off immediately.

Up next, attempting to pretend normal, I was having lunch with a friend. I bit down on a tortilla chip and thought that felt strange. It took me only a few more seconds to realize I had broken and then swallowed a porcelain dental crown. That was a $2000 problem I really didn’t need to add to my plate that day.

Some of you have totally experienced this next one: In my Harboring Hope group, there was not just one, but there were TWO women with the same name as the affair partner. Early into recovery, it felt like that was the name of every server in every restaurant and every female character in every TV show. Are you kidding me?!? Eventually, this name came up so frequently that I decided it was God or the universe's way of desensitizing me to the name. While it initially felt very cruel to have two women in my Harboring Hope group with that name, I realized, in retrospect, that it was good to create positive interactions that allowed for new thoughts to be associated with that name.

The last “You HAVE TO BE KIDDING!?” story I’ll share happened several months ago while I was visiting the UK. My husband and I went on a walking ghost tour while we were in London. At the end of the tour, the tour guide said to our group, “I am going to take a picture of our group social media, so if anyone is having a naughty getaway weekend with someone else’s spouse, you probably don’t want to be in this picture.” With the exception of my husband and I, the group roared with laughter. As for me, If looks could kill, there would be one less tour guide roaming the foggy streets of London.

While I would never wish the trauma of infidelity upon anyone, I will say that it has given me a tremendous amount of perspective. My reaction to situations or events that would have sent me spiraling pre-recovery, is so different now. Once you know what a true crisis looks, sounds, and feels like, the regular life stuff just doesn’t phase me like it used to. I am not going to add to the drama.

For example:
Early into recovery, my twin daughters were still fairly new teenage drivers. One evening, one of my daughters was backing out of our garage but came running back inside the house sobbing because she had smashed in and then ripped off the side mirror of my husband’s Audi. If this had happened pre-recovery, I’m pretty confident we would have yelled, probably grounded her, and then made her pay the $500 insurance deductible. You should have seen the look of shock on her face when we calmly said, “Did anyone get hurt? It’s just a car. It was clearly an accident. Please just be more careful next time.”

As I leave you today, I want to share a pro tip I learned from a psychiatrist that really helps me put drama and trauma into perspective: He suggests that you ask yourself, “Will this matter in a day, a week, a month, a year, in 10 years, and in the grand scheme of my life?” These days, I am happy to report most drama doesn’t make it past the week...

We’re all on this recovery journey together. If you had something happen during recovery that was so poorly timed it was almost funny, please drop a comment and share it with us. We would love to hear from you!