I am the hurt spouse that has been dealing with my broken spouse for 16+ years since D-Day.
Your example of texting while driving is a good analogy for our marriage. The car would be our marriage,
my unfaithful parter is the driver/texter.
My question(s)
1. What do I do if my partner/driver continues to text while driving, when they know it is careless, wreckless, and dangerous to all in the car?
2. What do the passengers do when car crashes over and over and over and over again, and the driver says, Sorry! Forgive me! and then goes and hides in the trunk?
Meanwhile I am broken, bloody and asking for help. We have had so many careless wrecks since D-Day that the car is now on fire, shredded and the molten metal, burned glass, charred plasic, and rusted wreckage is embedded in my flesh. It is a huge mess! Even if I went to hospital to fix me, I still have to use that same wrecked car and careless driver to get me home. Scary beyond comprehension!! There is no safety in our car, but leaving the car is not an option for me. This is "OUR" car! It is the only car I will ever have!

Hi Rick,
My husband and I are nearly two years into recovery and getting along pretty well. We live in the same town as his ap's and this is hard for me. It is the fear related to seeing them that I do not like. Well the other day it happened. After two years we briefly crossed paths with his ap. As I suspected I didn't do too great with it. That day was ruined for me at that point. I became angry and had the urge to start questioning again. I expressed my anger and hurt to my husband and he comforted me. He was also in a lot of pain and very angry with himself. So there we both were again frustrated and in pain. I started going to dark places again and spent the rest of the day wrestling with my emotions. I started to feel like a huge victim again and ridiculously mad I had to live my life this way. By the next day and after reading your article on fear I was able to start pulling through again. I was proud of myself for regaining my composure faster than what I thought I would. Moving is not an option for us so I would like to know how my husband and I can get through these situations without so much emotional turmoil. How can we start to see things differently? Thank you again for your help! I know this can be done as I am sure many people have to do We just need some additional guidance on the issue.

In the affair recovery materials, I have frequently encountered discussions of the hope and happiness that spouses BOTH felt on their wedding day -- and that the spouse who cheated had good intentions when originally taking the wedding vows.
I am in a situation where my spouse began an emotional and sexual affair a year before we got married -- and then continued it for six years after we got married. My husband asked for forgiveness before he revealed the start and stop dates of the first of his three affairs.
I feel so broken, and so betrayed.
My questions:
1) If he didn't even intend to be faithful to me on our wedding day, does this mean that we have a lower likelihood of maintaining fidelity for the rest of our lives?
2) In Week 5, our EMSO workbook asks us to think back to a happy time, presumably when there was fidelity at the beginning of the marriage -- to combat triggers. What should I think about if I don't even have that? When I think back to the beginning of our marriage, it is just another trigger to think about the first affair.