I really appreciate the "practice" element as I believe that has held us together. Is there any way to incorporate all three of these attributes into the EMSO online sessions? I feel my wife is still stuck in the obstinate spouse role having had an affair with the same AP twice with 20 years between the affairs. She still has not faced completely what she has done and understood how wrong it was, and since she knows I will do nothing to destroy the marriage she is content to let things ride. We have been in a program where goals were set and she refused to set a goal, so there was no path to follow in recovery. She is with me in EMSO now, but only doing the minimum of work in a "I'll do what I have to" attitude. I feel we are floundering and will continue to flounder without a meaningful goal or path we set for ourselves. Just staying together is possible but would not be a happy outcome. How can I show her commitment makes our lives together more valuable to both of us and to our family?

Do you have any insight why a husband would refuse to have sexual intercourse with his wife more than 5x total over 4 years after the affair had ended? Other sexual acts are accepted. It was an emotional and sexual entanglement with plans to exit the marriage but for family and religious reasons he agreed to stay instead. Before the affair the sexual relationship was very healthy and connected.