How long will it take to get over the affair? You know – to get back to normal? This is the question I asked my counselor. I was the one who had been unfaithful and wanted to know how long it would take for my wife and me to recover from what I had done. It had been a week since she had found out about my affair and I wanted to know how long before the end of the pain. I wanted a date. A small measure of time. Preferably something in the area of a few months. I would have even been all right with six months. My counselor was silent. I had a sneaking suspicion that the longer the silence the longer the recovery would be. I asked again. She paused a little bit longer and said that things would be better in 90 days. We both would feel different. And in six months we would feel even better. And in one year we would feel even better. It was nice knowing we would feel better – but “better” is a relative term. Does that mean we go from excruciating-non-stop-gut-wrenching-life-despairing-I wish-I-was-dead pain to just bad-and-sad-and-I-hate-my-life pain? I wanted to know when we would be healed. I wanted a date on the calendar that I could know when the pain would stop and life would be good again. I think that’s a natural desire. In her wisdom, she never gave me such a thing. No one can give you a date. There are only general principles of healing that God seems to have built into our experience. She was right. Things did get better – and are getting better. In fact, our marriage and our relationship with God has never been better. They are both beyond our wildest expectations. However, we are not “over” the affair. We will never be “over” it. It is a crisis that God has helped us work through – and we continue to do so. Neither has life gone back to being normal. It never will be normal again. How can it be? But I am glad for that. That old life and the old marriage is dead. It had to die – in order for something beautiful to take its place. And that is what God has done – and continues to do.
