I am a liar. I have lied all my life. .

For much of my life, my lies had to do with my inner world. That is, what I was thinking or feeling. I tried to paint a picture of a strong, mature, fearless, good – even godly man. I didn’t have insecurities or disappointments or fears. No, I forged ahead in the face of adversity, never doubting my resolve or my God. It wasn’t true, but it’s what I wanted others to believe. And so I lied.

I maintained this facade with my wife as well. It wasn’t that she didn’t know me at all, but there were parts of me that I was relentless to keep from her. I believed that if she knew the real me - she would not respect or love me. And so I lied.

I had been experiencing dissatisfaction in my marriage and I didn’t want to admit it to anyone. Even myself. The truth was not that I had a marriage problem. My problem was not my marriage. My problem was me!

So I chose to have an affair. In the moment I didn’t think of the consequences or the people I would hurt – especially my wife. I was too self-centered and consumed with me. However, there were times I had moments of clarity and wanted to get out of it. But how could I do that and still keep my image intact? How could I tell the truth and still be respected and loved? I didn’t believe it was possible.

But actually, deep within I think I wanted to tell the truth. I was tired of pretending. As horrible as it was to get “caught” – the lie I was living was eating away at my soul. And yet I was fearful that my wife would not love me if she knew the whole truth, if she knew the whole me.

But then I received some great coaching. I was told that the only way I could give my wife the opportunity to love me unconditionally is to tell the truth. Tell the truth about everything and then let her choose. It was as simple as that. As scary as it was to consider it was also very freeing. I no longer had to try to control the outcome. Just tell the truth and allow her to choose.

And so I did. And the amazing thing was that my wife actually respected me for my honesty. She even grew to trust me again – maybe even more. I am not saying I did it perfectly or that it was without any challenges. My wife is an amazing woman. She chose to love me and work to restore our relationship. The end result was healing for both of us as we experienced grace and love.