Right after “D Day” I asked my wife for forgiveness.

I desperately wanted my wife to forgive me. I had sinned against her and deeply hurt her and now I wanted to make it all right. I wanted this horrendously terrible destructive episode in our lives to be behind us. I wanted to move on. I wanted her to say “I forgive you” and for her to mean it. I didn’t just want lip service; I earnestly wanted it to come from her heart. I wanted to turn the page on this chapter of our lives and move forward.

But that was what I wanted. I look back and see that so many of our problems were a result of what I wanted. I had made our marriage about me. And now I wanted her to forgive me. Again I was making it about what I wanted.

It was my fault that we were here. The very fact that she had not left me or kicked me out of the house was more than I deserved. It was an indication of grace that she was even considering forgiveness. And so I asked for her forgiveness, telling her that I knew that I did not deserve it. I told her I knew it was a process and that I hoped and prayed one day she could forgive me.

I did want her to forgive me. But there had been a change in my heart. I wanted her to forgive me for her benefit; not so that I could receive absolution or have relief from feeling so bad about what I had done. This was not about me. Certainly, I needed to be sincere in asking for forgiveness. But this was about God healing her heart in His timing. Not on my agenda or timetable. Love is patient. And God was helping me to truly love my wife. And so I waited.

I am not saying I didn’t want her to hurry up and say: “I forgive you.” Of course I did. I probably thought that every day. But God helped me to give her the space to take the time she needed.

And one day a miracle happened - she forgave me.