In my last entry I shared some of the blessings that I have discovered can only be found in grieving. Today I want to share some practical ways that I learned to grieve. The world around us doesn’t help us with this at all. We grow up hearing “Big girls (or boys) don’t cry.” So what do we do when life hands us pain? How does one properly mourn a deep heart wound?

Finding a few trusted people with whom I could be completely open and honest was very helpful. These were women who rejoiced with me when I had moments of hope and cried with me when I was sad.

Another thing that stands out to me as being particularly helpful was setting aside one day a week to grieve. At that point in our life both of our boys went to school Tuesday-Thursday. This was a huge blessing because I was unable to truly grieve the way my heart needed to while being distracted by dirty diapers, grocery shopping, or “Mom, I need a drink.” So Tuesday became my grief day. I was careful not to schedule anything else on that day and I guarded it like my life depended on it. After dropping them off at school I would go home and head straight for the closet. Once there I would put on some worship music then fall face down on the floor and cry my little eyes out. Some mornings I would even yell a little. For the first several months I needed most of the day to cry and process or just sit quietly in my pain. As time went by the amount of closet time decreased, but for a little over a year “Tuesday-Grief Day” was an important part of my week.

As helpful as “Grief Day” was, there were still times in between Tuesdays that I would need to grieve. Sometimes I was able to be sad and still carry on with what I was doing, but other times I found the sadness to be so overwhelming that it would interfere with what I was doing. During those moments I would find a way to be alone for a few minutes to cry it out quietly. A few minutes generally wasn’t enough time to fully grieve the pain, but it would get me through till the next Tuesday when I could pick it back up and fully cry over it.

I found that healing deep heart wounds is a messy and painful process. But I am so thankful that I pressed forward in it. It has been said that “Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” Truer words have never been said.