Yes? Congratulations!!

Bet you didn’t expect that statement after revealing what felt like your spouse tearing your heart out of your chest and stomping on it, did you?

I remember back to D-Day, the devastation, the uncertainty, and the pain. I remember vomiting until there was nothing left to vomit. I remember the hopelessness. I remember the suicidal thoughts.

I remember the advice and guidance. God told me to forgive. My friends told me to dump the skank and go get laid. My parents told me to protect the children. My pastor told me to pray. My lawyer told me to preserve evidence.

My heart told me to stay. My mind told me to run.

I had no idea what to do or where to go. It was hell for a while. I was making all the decisions based on what others thought I should do. I was making future decisions based on the past or even worse, I was making decisions based on what I thought my new future would be. Believe it or not, I convinced myself I was going to end up alone and abandoned, eating TV dinners in a Barcalounger.

A little later in my recovery, I had a breakthrough. I was in control! I had all the power! I could choose. Seems strange but the more I thought through it the more it made sense.  I had every reason to leave and I had every reason to stay. I had a free pass either way. God wouldn’t judge me for leaving. My family and friends all had ulterior motives to their advice. It really was all my decision and no matter what I chose I was right. I was going to be okay no matter what I chose.

A huge burden was lifted from my shoulders when I had the revelation that I was free to make the decision to stay or go with a clear mind and no expectations. If I stayed it would be because I wanted to stay. If I left it would be because I wanted to leave. Both were okay. Both were right. This freedom was an enormous help in figuring out what the right decision was for me and it also allowed me to continue to make the right decisions.

If you are in a similar situation trying to make the right choices, feeling overwhelmed, please know that you have the power to choose to stay or leave and no matter what you choose you will be okay.