8 Reasons Why I Stayed Married After Betrayal

Submitted by Lynn Tue, 09/15/2015 - 10:28

Today I share both my healthy and unhealthy reasons for staying and how they saw me through to the other side.

Lynn is the author of Keep Walking, 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal, a devotional for women dealing with the trauma and heartache of betrayal.

Add New Comment:

Comments

Thank you, Lynn, for sharing

Submitted by cjh48 on

Lynn - Thank you so much for sharing your reasons. I am in the midst of a few months out from D-day and I am struggling so very hard with everything. My husband is also a sex addict, for 28 years he has been acting out and using porn and prostitutes. Your beautiful insights have helped me see that possibly there is a light at the end of this horrific tunnel and many of your reasons have occurred to me also, especially the one that you said that God asked you to help your husband and stay with him. Thank you so much for sharing all of this, I truly appreciate your perceptions and I am very happy for you that you and your husband are doing so well. God bless.

a few months from D-day

Submitted by Lynn on

You are welcome. I remember those early days being so very dark. It means a lot to hear that our story would lend light to your journey. I am praying for you and your husband.

Yours is the first post that

Submitted by lindam on

Yours is the first post that Ive come across that describes my situation.
I found out 5 weeks ago that my husband has been seeing prostitutes for 13 years. We are signing up for EMSO when registration opens tomorrow but I desperately need to talk with someone else in my same situation.
Somebody, please reach out to me.

I am sorry

Submitted by ladonna on

I just read you comment, and wanted to reach out to you. My husband and I went through Affair Recovery about 6 years ago. I remember the deep overwhelming pain that discovery brought me. There were times when I felt that there was no way we could get past the betrayal, and then there were times when I wanted to dare to believe that we had some hope. As time went by and healing took place, I began to feel more hope, but it was a long road- full of ups and downs. When I look back on it I am so glad that I gave us a chance.
My story isn't exactly like yours or Lynn's, but there are similarities. I discovered that there had been betrayals - both emotional and physical- with men and women throughout our entire marriage. To say that I was in shock and that my world was torn apart would be an understatement. But a friend told us about affair recovery, and we found hope and healing here.
Hang in there. The road to recovery is long and hard, but it is so worth every ounce of energy and every single tear.
If you want to talk, I am more than happy to listen. You are more than welcome to private message me any time.

I am sorry

Submitted by ladonna on

I just read your comment, and wanted to reach out to you. My husband and I went through Affair Recovery about 6 years ago. I remember the deep overwhelming pain that discovery brought me. There were times when I felt that there was no way we could get past the betrayal, and then there were times when I wanted to dare to believe that we had some hope. As time went by and healing took place, I began to feel more hope, but it was a long road- full of ups and downs. When I look back on it I am so glad that I gave us a chance.
My story isn't exactly like yours or Lynn's, but there are similarities. I discovered that there had been betrayals - both emotional and physical- with men and women throughout our entire marriage. To say that I was in shock and that my world was torn apart would be an understatement. But a friend told us about affair recovery, and we found hope and healing here.
Hang in there. The road to recovery is long and hard, but it is so worth every ounce of energy and every single tear.
If you want to talk, I am more than happy to listen. You are more than welcome to private message me any time.

reaching out

Submitted by Lynn on

Linda, I notified the staff at AR and asked someone to contact you. You should hear from them soon. I know you are reeling right now and feeling so much pain. The pain of discovery is unlike any other kind of pain. I remember the heart ache and tears and hopelessness & my heart aches for you this morning. I am praying for you. I'm so glad you found Affair Recovery and are signing up for EMS. I found hope here and I've watched other couples at EMS find hope as well. Don't give up. Keep moving forward. There is a way through the pain, and there is healing and freedom for your husband.

Private message

Submitted by lindam on

Hi Lynn,
I am only just now seeing your reply from 2 months ago. I would very much like to private message you but can't find the link to do it.
If you could pm then I can reply.
Thank you so much,
Linda

Thank you for your post.

Submitted by SLM on

I just wanted to say thank you for your post. I wish there were more post and videos from the betrayed spouses. It is one thing for the unfaithful to say my mate said this or felt like that but find more hope in hearing from the actual person that has been there. I am sure it is never easy to open up your life and I just wanted to say thank you.
I also understand you saying God told you to stay. I prayed for a year for God to release me from my marriage. But everytime I have tried to call an attorney or sat down to figure out how to divide things the emotional pain level have increased and I would just know that God was not going to allow me to leave my marriage, at least not at this point. So my prayer is now for him to bring total healing. So we continue on our path.

Prayed for a year

Submitted by Lynn on

You are very welcome. Your gratitude means a lot to me. I will pray with you for total healing and the courage to keep moving forward.

Lynn,

Submitted by momof2 on

Lynn,
Thanks for sharing. You come off so genuine and kind in your vlogs - and I hope your husband realizes how lucky he is to have you! I appreciate that you shared these 8 reasons, even if some of them were unhealthy. Just yesterday, I was coming up with all these reasons why we should separate. Your 7th and 8th reasons, I thought, were the most important (at least to me) ... and I'm just not sure what God is telling me right now. For a while, I felt God was okay if I stayed or left. And then I knew he was telling me to stay for a bit. But now, I don't know anymore. My husband is also resistant to working on self-improvement because he wants to be a better person for himself. Thanks again for sharing...

not always kind

Submitted by Lynn on

Did you watch the vlog about my anger? HA! I was a scary mess for a long time....remember, we are years down the road. There was a season during therapy when it seemed like my husband was pulling away. He was focused on his own recovery for a while too. It was so hard. I kept praying and repeating - God I trust you with my husband. I trust you with my future. I put my trust in you. My heart remembers how it hurt and I am praying for you tonight.

Great Insight

Submitted by SEU on

Thank you for this brutally honest post Lynn. As the mother of 2 young boys, I could really relate to much of your thought process. You give me hope that with a wholehearted commitment from both partners and a willingness to do the hard work, we can come out the other side.

there IS an 'other side'

Submitted by Lynn on

Keep working, keep moving forward. There is a way through. Praying for you and your boys tonight.

Thank you Lynn for this. I

Submitted by ranunculus on

Thank you Lynn for this. I have some similar reasons for staying and it was good for me to hear that it's OK to have both healthy and unhealthy reasons for staying because whatever they are, the reasons will hopefully help see me through the process.

Inspirational!

Reasons

Submitted by Lynn on

Praying for courage as you press through the process.

Thanks for sharing

Submitted by Happyness (not verified) on

My husband is also a sex addict. Dday was 4 years ago. I stayed for reasons similar to yours. Just when I thought I was ready to put on my wedding ring again this July, I found out he relapsed. My heart is broken again. I was knocked down by the same truck that knocked me down 4 years ago. Not sure if we can make it through... but your v log is inspiring... I heard God speak to me shortly after Dday. Just 1 word ...wait . I believe God as a plan for me n will reveal that to me in his time. Thanks again for sharing..

broken again

Submitted by Lynn on

I agree, God has a plan for you. I love this passage from Romans 8 on waiting. I am praying that the waiting will enlarge and not diminish your life. Romans 8:22-25 MSG All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

What to read next

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Guided Meditation for Compassion, Anxiety, and Self-Kindness
The Importance of Owning Our Choices and Outcomes When Healing From Infidelity
Q&A How am I Supposed to Accept the Idea of Relapse?
How Long Does Infidelity Recovery Really Take? And How Much Work Is Enough?

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
Learn More
head-silhouette
 
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas