It's No Laughing Matter My husband and I turned on a romantic-comedy the other night. We ended up on some Cameron Diaz movie and what is the premise??? Infidelity. We don't talk about it, just get in our movie trance and watch the movie unfold. 20 minutes in I find myself laughing hysterically! I glance at my husband, who has a straight face, and say "I can't believe I'm laughing." He smiles at me and replies, "me either". We are over 4 years out from D day and our story is certainly no laughing matter. Our story involves betrayal, hurt, anger and many moments of hopelessness and chaos! Through my discovery of forgiveness, and eventual willingness to extend it to my husband for his infidelity, I've been freed! The chains I once felt imprisoned to are gone! My hurts sometimes rear up and attempt to capture my heart, but as I continually turn to the art of forgiveness, they no longer have a grip on me. Although it took dedication, time, and trust to get to this freedom, I continually see the hope and healing that comes from the hard work of recovery. So although it is no laughing matter, I can sit here today and smile at my unfaithful husband. Not because I am perfect, and he is definitely not perfect, but finding forgiveness and offering it whether or not it's being sought is Freedom! Now I know you must be thinking, "How in the world do I get from where I am now to this freedom?" Well at least that's what I thought. I accepted these three ideas about forgiveness that truly led the way to freedom. Forgiveness is a choice: Sure you can sit and wallow in your misery, but what good does that do? You feel worse, your spouse can't stand to be around you and neither can anyone else for that matter. Decide today that you want to forgive. In EMS Online we learned that there are 2 types of forgiveness. The first type of forgiveness is vertical where you release the offense done to you to God and agree that they will not get what they deserve. The second type of forgiveness is horizontal and that’s where reconciliation occurs. This comes after the offending person does what is necessary to make it safe for you and safe for your relationship to continue. The first type of forgiveness isn't optional, it’s what we do for our own well-being, but the second type is optional and can only come when the other person is being safe. Forgiveness is a process: Yes, the initial step to forgive is an active step that can occur immediately but the feelings of trust, closeness, even love can take some time. Be patient with yourself.... The journey could be hard and long but the reward is worth it. Forgiveness is a gift: Only you can forgive your spouse for the hurt they caused you..... Do they deserve it? No way! But that's the beauty of it. Do I deserve to be forgiven when I crash the rental car, intentionally spend way too much money, or just plain have a crappy attitude? NO..... But I desire to be forgiven and to be given that gift is like a weight lifted from my shoulders. So if I desire to be forgiven, why wouldn't I share that gift with the person I committed my life too? Forgiveness is freedom....For you, and your spouse. "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as The Lord forgave you" -Colossians 3:13