very sorry for the delay.  just found a notification for this.  could be trauma you stuffed down.  it's normal. and it's ok.  get help my friend, even though it's 30 plus years later.  this won't simply go away...but it may not take long to heal it and confront it and move forward.  but dont beat yourself up as this does happen, even this far down the road.  give yourself grace for the pain you're in.