I know your blog was kind of sort of directed to the unfaithful, but on D-day and for a couple of days after I was very afraid of myself. I did not know I was capable of such rage and hate. I physically attached my husband when he refused to disclose the name of his AP. We have NEVER EVER had violence in our relationship. He will tell you the look it had scared him. I told him to leave the house for his own safety. I had a friend take my car keys to prevent me from confronting the AP. I was terrified of what I might do and I never knew those feelings lay within me. I used to watch the TV shows about crimes and hear people say "I saw red, I just snapped, I really don't remember thinking about it, and the next thing I know so and so was dead." After this I have a whole new understanding of those sorts of statements.

The first thing I did after “disclosure”....
I’m from Texas, and I have firearms in my bedside table for anyone crazy enough to enter my home in the middle of the night. I’m also ex military. I took the 3 guns in my nightstand, unloaded them and tossed the bullets and the guns on the bed, along with any drugs I might overdose on and told my husband to hide them all and hide them well. Maybe I watch too much ID network but I could totally see him saying something ridiculous that would make it impossible to contain the rage I felt towards him. I also felt so much shame about staying that I contemplated suicide. I am so grateful that he had the ability to “hear” me in that moment. Infidelity CAN turn you into your darkest and scariest self. Either side should listen to the voices that help them deny the darkness that resides in all of us. Thank you so much for your blogs. They have truly saved me from myself.