Thank you for this video. While the AP was not my best friend she was a close one. She manipulated things I shared with her and even fabricated conversations we allegedly had during their relationship. I know I have, for survival reasons, vilified her as a manipulative & cunning demon. Rational thought & reason tells me it takes two and I know my husband was not a helpless victim in their relationship. I'm working on my marriage and we are doing okay right now. Each day that I'm here is another step closer to forgiveness. I keep hearing / reading that I need to forgive her in order to completely heal - I honestly have no desire to do so. Is that something I have to do?

Thank you Samuel

I needed this Blog so much. Both my husband's APs were close friends. The one a friend of 32 years! Our mothers are lifelong best friends.

November last year I came across a photo taken of us Thanksgiving 2015. All three couples with their kids, with the FB comment "Great friends". Fast forward to November 2016. By that time we had even more in common. Not only were we all great friends but the women in the photo also shared the same man, my husband.

It is such a lonely place to be, having been betrayed by your husband and 2 women who called themselves your friends. I fear establishing new friendships with women because in my experience my husband ends up having affairs with them. And establishing friendships with men is probably not such a good idea given the vulnerable situation I find myself in.

So now I have no friends ;-(

Samuel, while I didn't experience the doubly devastating betrayal from an intimate friend, I did experience what I consider a triple betrayal from my husband's affair: his infidelity, he told his two adult daughters about his affair and asked one of his adult daughters to assist with his infidelity, and she actively participated.

I have forgiven the daughters and given them to God. I cannot bring myself to to even consider reconciliation nor do I have any desire to even be in the same room with them. While their father and I have been together for 16 years I felt included as "part of the family", neither have made any effort on their own to make amends or offer an apology.

My husband doesn't seem to understand that these women are unsafe for me and continues to maintain a very close relationship with the daughter that helped him, which just feels like the knife continuing to be twisted in my body by my husband.

Can you speak to this kind of betrayal?

Where is the favorite button for this vlog?

I don't even know where to begin...
My husband had an affair with my best friend. You nailed it in the head regarding how deep this betrayal runs. She manipulated our friendship and used it to further the wedge between me and my husband. I am not a vengeful person with very little hate in my body but if I had a will to be this way she is the first Peron in my line to hate! I don't know if I ever will be able to forgive her. The things she said to me and the way she made me feel when I started to question and put things together were so awful I can't even begin to describe them. While my husband came back home beginning of March I would say our recovery starts today...day 1. He has assured me after several months of ups and downs that he has cut all ties with her and has had what he calling "closure" on things. Everything you have said in your videos and articles have been right on for me. I am so glad I have discovered your site.
I have two questions....first. While we have done most everything to cut ties our girls are best friends. They are 9 and I have tried to explain in an appropriate way to my daughter why we can not see her daughter anymore. Of course, she is devastated and upset. She was so angry at me, as if this is my fault. Since the time of telling her we are not friends anymore (about March) she has discovered through google hangouts, face timing, and you tube how to communicate with the friend. I have access to all of it but it really bothers me that they communicate. However, they are just 9 years old. I just don't like that there is still this connection. They talk about our vacations, daily activities, etc... It bothers me but not my husband. Should I do anything about it? 2nd...How to I get my husband to see the value in professional help? He is open to the reading and listening to the research I do but doesn't want to seek counseling. Should I demand we go to counseling?
Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share your story. It really has helped me in understanding my husband and knowing I am not alone with my feelings.

HI there. Thanks for this vid. About four months out from d-day, experiencing a double betrayal. Worst pain of my life. A friend recently described it as one of the inner rings of hell; he wasn't wrong. Husband/I are halfway through EMS online course. But wishing for more personal conversation with a couple who has survived a double betrayal and lived to tell about it. We are in contact with two couples in our town who are on the road to recovery post-affair but neither fall into the "double betrayal" category. Is it possible for Affair Recovery to put us in touch with a couple who has experienced this specific sort of situation and can walk with us more closely? I need someone who's been-there, done-that to walk me through it. Desperate for someone who can encourage us through this valley.

I am going to write a book called “The ULTIMATE BETRAYAL” to let others know how it feels to learn of such a life changing betrayal by my wife and “best friend” When i learned about their 13 year affair about 12 months ago today, I knew at that moment that my life would never be the same. It had been over for 9 years and my wife had been trying to make amends for this and our marriage had never been better. What great timing for my quote best friend unquote started telling me things to tell MY wife from him. The flipping nerve this man had to use ME to try to make contact with MY wife because he wanted to check to see if she might be interested in completely ruining my life. It blows my mind how selfish some people are. There are so many layers to this type of affair and you only see it when you feel it all unfold as you are trying to find a way to heal from something so unbelievable that you think you would NEVER have to deal with. I really gave both of them so much more credit than they deserved. Neither one could even look me in the eye. I feel sorry for them to tell the truth. Anyone that could ruin someones life like they did mine for something they knew would only be a part time “game” for both of them. I will heal one day from this but both of them will live with this the rest of their lives. Its sad but there are a best friend that is thinking about starting an affair right now with their friends spouse and that friend doesn't have a clue. Moral justifications will allow them to do one thing after another and leave damage behind them that they wont realize until they get caught. They will assure themselves that no one will ever get hurt because they have convinced themselves this to allow them to do it. Take it from me, my wife and friend never ever even considered the possibility. They seemed just as surprised as me that they have to look at the damage they had done and its an odd thing to see two people totally speechless because this wasnt going to happen. Its like they truly believed they hadnt hurt anyone since no one knew but them. But they were doing the things that hurt me the whole time and they had sold this lie to be able to live with themselves. Its a really awkward painful thing to experience. When all the painful things they did to me got piled up in front of them its not a pretty site to see them realize that they had been lying to themselves. There are so many layers to this and i am not close to seeing all of them yet. My life has been ripped apart and i will have pain for years to come because two people wanted their cake and eat it to. Its a shame that two people can lie to someone that trusts and loves them that much but even sadder that they find a way to lie to themselves where they are ok with it.

Curt